kate.ellie

slipping in and out

2009-06-10T04:02:00.003-05:00

Ellie thought she might go into convulsions. She sat up then. She knew Kate was near, and it wasn't right. She wasn't able to speak to her.

"She's with Evan. isn't she?" She got out of bed. She could hardly move, but she felt she had too. Kale stirred then from sleep.

"Why are upset about that?" Kale winced. "She's not exactly here you know."

"Why isn't she? Why can't my sister be with me?" Ellie went to look at the mirror. "How come I can't see her? What have you done?" Why hadn't she thought this sooner? Why hadn't she asked?

"Look, the less we have to worry about, the better, all right?" Kale told her.

"No, its not. Its not all right. I want to go home Kale! I want to go home, thats all I ever wanted?" She woke the baby then.

"You are home." Kale promised.

Ellie went to check on Emily in the make-shift laundry basket.

"What are you trying to tell me?" She wasn't buying into this anymore. It wasn't an escape. It was prison.

"You'll see, it'll be better than last time." Kale watched her with the baby. "You'll see. We'll be just fine. The three of us."

"I had a life," Ellie squinted hard. "And you took it away from me. You took it away from me!"

The truth hurt. And she knew it now. How in the hell would she ever get back to her family now.

colder than ice

2009-06-08T15:19:00.001-05:00

All that was really on Kate's mind was sleep.

The chunky beef soup helped. It was the best comfort food in the world. It made her think of being at Grandma's, eating those buttered biscuits of hers. Of course, she didn't have those here, but she oh so wanted to try to make them from scratch like her grandmother used to.

Kate had no idea why she even thought of her grandmother at a time like this.

True, she wasn't going anywhere. And she could hardly wait to lay down on the fluffy pillow in the bedroom, but when she did, she thought she would be frozen stiff.

Ellie. Ellie had to be laying in this very spot. She was sure of it.

Kate wondered if Ellie knew she was there, too. Maybe she knew Kate was laying in that very spot too. What if she was oblivious to all of this and she thought Kate had walked out on her, like she always did.

Kate felt sad thinking about that. She wished she'd been a better sister. She wished she hadn't put her sister down. She wished she would have believed her now. She wished she was anywhere but here.

Her teeth began to chatter. She wanted to be warm but she didn't know how. Kate thought she might go delirious.

there was a time

2009-05-31T17:57:00.004-05:00

"What was that for?" Kate pushed him away. Really, she didn't know what Evan was up too. What did he think was going to happen?

"I dunno." He winced. "I wasn't thinking. Its just crazy, you know. I think I'm going crazy. Absolutely."

"Yeah, you are a nut job." Kate agreed. "You aren't my favorite person, you know." She hugged herself then. "What did she see in you, anyway?" She gave him a bitter look.

"We had fun. She was fun." He shrugged.

"Are we talking about sex fun?" Kate wanted to know.

"All right." He smiled. "It was great because she-" Kate had him blushing then.

She couldn't help but laugh.

"And then she left you," Kate said point blank. "Evidently, he's having some fun with her, too. Are you saying my sister was easy?"

"God, no." Evan glared at Kate then. "But I miss it because she knew me better than anyone else and-and. I didn't want this to happen to her. I wanted her to forget about him. But she didn't. He wouldn't let her."

Kate went to look in the fridge then. It was empty.

"Isn't there anything to eat around here?" It was dark and she was hungry, and it felt as if time was standing still.

Evan went to look in the cupboard and found some Chunky Beef soup. "Will this do?"

"Of course." Her stomach growled then.

"Now if I could just find a can opener."

what to say

2009-05-26T21:40:00.001-05:00

LIE. Lie. lie......

Kate could feel it biting on her tongue. Just as she expected. It was her mother.

"Mom!"

"KATE! Why are you screaming?"

"I'm not screaming." She choked. "It's just....Ellie went...she went somewhere with Kale. I don't know where they went." All she could feel was her heartbeat.

"Why didn't you stop her? Is she crazy?"

"I dunno." Kate looked at Evan. She crumbled on the couch. "I'm sorry, I couldn't stop them. She has a mind of her own, you know. You can't tell her anything and then when you do she won't talk to you."

"Where are you?"

"Some, some, hotel in the middle of no where."

Evan nodded then that she had done good. She had to keep her Mom from finding where they were.

"I thought I'd wait for her, you know. I'm going to wait and if I hear anything you'll be the first to know." Shortly, after that she hung up.

"YES!" Evan said, grabbing her shoulders then. He looked at her as if she'd been perfect. And then he kissed her.

and so

2009-05-21T10:02:00.001-05:00

"What am I suppose to tell my Mom when she calls back?" Kate looked at Evan for answers. It didn't look as if he was going anywhere.

"Just tell her something. Just tell her she's OK. Tell her, she's sleeping." Evan shrugged.

"OH, GOD, you don't know my Mom, evidently." Kate sighed. "She's gone spastic with just the thought of being a grandmother, you know. If she knows Ellie is gone, it'll send her over the edge!" Couldn't he think of something else. Couldn't Ellie appear any second. "Don't you have a way you can contact her or maybe Kale?"

This was making Kate so nervous, She could have climbed the walls. Instead, Evan brought her coffee.

"Oh, good more caffeine," she scowled as she took it. "I really hate this. All of this. I don't want to be here."

"Don't say that." Evan looked at her a bit edgy.

"What?"

"This is like a vortex of some sort, you start convincing yourself you want to be somewhere else, you just might get it, but trust me, it won't be where you really want to be." He was sounding mental now.

Kate looked around, holding in her breath.

"Stop telling me this crap, Evan." She gritted.

"I'm looking out for you. I am." He was serious. Why did she have to take him serious? Now. Kate drank her coffee then.

Suddenly her cell rang. Kate looked at Evan.

"Answer it," he told her.

Kate started to shake. Did she really have too?

a daze of confusion

2009-05-18T01:14:00.004-05:00

Ellie sat up then with the pillows behind her on the bed. At least the sheets were clean now after she'd showered. She could hardly stand up as it was, but the more she moved the better she became. She'd found a shift of some kind in the closet to put on that buttoned down the front. It felt like something from the sixties. She had no idea how long it had been in the closet.

Kale brought her the baby then.

"She's hungry," he said handing her the baby who was sucking at her fist.

Ellie just looked at him puzzled. Not sure what to do and not sure if she wanted him to watch. She unbuttoned the dress and exposed her right breast. The baby nuzzled up to the nipple and latched on instantly. Ellie bit her upper lip. She felt sure something was cutting deep inside her yet something slowly aroused up through the core of her and she felt as if she was bleeding, only it wasn't blood, but milk.

Ellie touched the baby's cheek and she grabbed a hold of her finger so strong. Ellie couldn't help but smile.

"What should I name her?" Ellie looked up at Kale.

"Emily," he said.

"Emily?"

"Yeah, its an old name, but a nice one." He smiled.

Ellie could barely keep her eyes open. She was sure if she closed them long enough, she'd wake up in another world.

a happy place

2009-05-14T01:00:00.002-05:00

Kate waited on the couch. She felt safe there. Evidently. Before she knew it, she was asleep. Home. In her own bed. Thinking she needed to get a job soon. She couldn't live off her mother forever. True, they did think she was a goof. Couldn't decide on a major. Couldn't decide much on anything. Really, she was set in her ways. Why did she ever come here with Ellie? Maybe she was older, but it didn't mean she was wiser. She had a lousey track record with relationships. They always soured in the end. She could never give enough, evidently. And she felt like a failure in the sister department as well.

But then it happened. Some one was shaking her from her slumber. When she opened her eyes, she screamed and scrambled over the couch to get away from the would be intruder.

"Evan!" Her throat was scratchy now. Thanks to him. "What is wrong with you!" She stared at him blankly. They hadn't heard from him in months. He looked the same. As if she'd seen him yesterday. As perhaps he'd always been there.

"Where's Ellie?" He remained expressionless as if he might be a zombie now.

"I dunno." She didn't. "I thought maybe you'd know."

"He's got her then." He sighed looking around.

"I came with her and before I knew it, she wasn't here." Kate looked around too to see if perhaps there was a mystery door she'd missed. "What do you mean?"

"This is Ellie's happy place." He told her.

"Happy place?"

"She kept saying we had to come here. This was her destination. Evidently." Evan shrugged and sat down on the couch then as if there was nothing else to do.

"What does that mean?" Kate winced, deciding it was pointless to stand.

"It means, he's got to her and locked her a way."

"Well, is she OK?" Kate felt sick to her stomach as if Ellie might be in a coffin somewhere six feet under, waiting to die.

"I'm sure she's just fine. Kale's way of protecting her. He's with her. So thats probably all that matters." Evan gritted.

"Well, where are they?" Kate squinted.

"Same place. Different world."

"What?"

"Just a different diminsion."

"Like an illusion?"

"No, different world. One we can't get too. Kale's world, evidently."

"His world? What do you mean?" Kate sat up and stared back at Evan that he better explain this.

"Mind over matter. Sort of." Evan sounded vague. "I don't know how it works but evidently, he figured Sal out or something. I dunno. Its like looking into a mirror and escaping into that reflection. But you really have to want it, you have to be there in your mind. Its hard to explain. He put himself in a coma last time. I guess. I dunno how he did it, but he did and now he's gone again."

"I don't get it," Kate shook her head.

"I don't know, either. But now you see him and then you don't."

"But she'd gonna have a baby!" Kate croaked. "What about that?"

"Yeah, about that." Evan pursed his lips slightly. "Look if you feel a cold spot, that's where they are. You know, what they say about ghosts."

"Are you saying they're dead?"

"I'm saying, they aren't here. That's what I'm saying, but they are here. You just can't see them." He explained.

A chill went through Kate just then. Maybe it was Ellie. Maybe it was just her imagination.

moment to moment

2009-05-10T02:55:00.005-05:00

"Where's Kate?" Ellie looked behind her now wondering what her sister would actually think if she knew Kale was here. Would she call her mother? Would she call the cops?

"She's all right." Kale looked at her as if he wanted her to concentrated on him, not her sister.

"What's going on Kale?" Ellie winced unsure this was the answer to their problem. She was feeling her legs weaken. Her stomach tensed. A pain shot through her from her lower back. Suddenly her eyes lit. She started to shake. She felt like a volcano ready to errupt.

"Don't worry." He tried to smile, and she felt herself weaken in the knees, but he held on to her.

Water suddenly flushed from her body. Ellie cringed more. She hadn't expected so much water. Really, she felt strange and freaky. Where were those men in white coats when she needed them.

"We're safe here." He nodded. "Its a safe house. We'll be OK." He promised.

"But I need a doctor." She was pretty sure of it. "I want a doctor, Kale!"

Maybe he was the enemy. She'd gotten it all wrong. It was Evan she needed. Not him. But no, he was getting her to the bedroom. She needed to lay down. He said so.

"Be still." He was rather calm as she jerked her sneakers off and her leggings along with her undies. "We can do this."

"I don't want too!" She squinted hard as another pain hit her.

"You have no choice. It has to happen. Sooner or later." He told her.

"Maybe I want it to be later," she croaked. But her body was shaking and she was in a sweat, it was happening with or without her.

"Be brave," Kale said putting a warm wash cloth on her head then.

"Where is my sister! She could be helping! She could be calling 911! You know!" She so wanted to fight it.

"Just relax." He was... even if he was prying her legs apart to check out what was actually happening.

It just wasn't right. She felt awkward yet frightened. Something inside her was wanting to come out.

"What if I can't do it?" There. Thats what she felt. She didn't want to have a baby. Maybe they needed to cut her open. That made her sick to think about too.

"You can. You will." He checked again. "You're crowning!"

"Huh?"

"Push!"

Her legs were weak and she didn't know what he meant.

"You have to push!"

She gritted then and thought maybe she was pooping out a block of cement.

"Keep going!" He kept shouting.

"Well, can't you pull something!" She bit back. She'd done her part, hadn't she? But she pushed harder, peaking just a bit at the bloody mess on the old quilt. She felt as if she'd had her own horror film.

And then there it was. Bloody and helpless. It was crying. Was something wrong? Ellie's breath quickened.

Kale wiped the blood from its eyes and pulled back the fists from the mouth., and the baby just looked at Ellie as if she was suppose to know what to do. Ellie thought she saw the baby smile. He laid the baby on her chest as he went back to pull out the rest of the afterbirth which felt like a horrid rope being ripped from her.

Just as she was about to get used to the idea of the baby in her arms, Kale took it from her and went to wash it up. Suddenly, she felt as if her world had been jerked from her again. But she leaned back on the pillows then. All her strength was gone. At least at the moment.

all alone

2009-05-05T01:03:00.004-05:00

"Where are you?" A chill came over Kate as she searched the house. No one was there. Not even Ellie. "Ellie!" She thought she'd just heard her. Had she gone out the back door? Kate went throught the kitchen then and found herself in the back yard. Alone. It was so quiet. She wondered when the last person had been here. It was a quaint enough in a run down sort of way. But still. It felt weird.

"Ellie!" She ran around the side of the house back to the little front yard. No one. Nobody. Just Kate by herself. She nursed her upper lip. What could have happened? Was there a basement? She didn't so. What if the house swallowed her sister up, and she was somewhere underground. Lost. She was going to have a baby for gods sakes!

Kate started to tremble the more she thought of it. Really. Her sister was not here. She'd gone in. And now she wasn't here. Kate looked around her, hugging herself. What was happening? Was she even where she was suppose to be? No one seemed to be home. It was getting darker. She went inside then and looked around wondering what to do.

Finally, she sat down on the couch, thinking she should do something, but what. She was tired and hungry, yet frantic. Her sister could be having her baby right now. Her face tensed just thinking about it.

When her cell rang, she jumped. Back to reality she guessed. Maybe it was sister, but it wasn't. Just her Mom.

"Is Ellie all right?"

"I-I think so?" She hated to alarm her mother just yet. What if it was nothing? But what if it was something? Kate caught her breath. She couldn't help but shiver a moment. "She just went to the store." Kate couldn't think of a better thing to tell her. Obviously, there was something strange going on, and yet, here she was sitting, waiting in the quiet, wondering what came next.

I could live you in another world

2009-04-30T10:26:00.003-05:00

And then she saw him. The back of his head. So much she wanted to say, but what could she. ask? It was Kale. Wasn't it?

"You're here!" She caught herself from the thrill of it. That maybe it was true. That it wasn't some trick.

He turned around and nodded. And it pained her that he didn't say anything. Did he have any idea who she was? Really? Then he smiled, and that was all she needed. Just his embrace would do.

"Timing is everything, isn't it?" He touched her cheek then and she nodded. "I know you thought I forgot. I was meant too, you know."

"Yeah." This she knew. Tears came to her eyes. She hugged him close as he ran his warm fingers through her hair. Nothing bad could happen now. She just knew it. And when they kissed it was as if everything radiated for a moment. Vibrant colors all around. The place looked even more wonderful than she even imagine. Maybe magical. It was amazing. And it felt all the more home with Kale here. Perhaps they were in their own little world now.

on the road

2009-04-11T16:03:00.003-05:00

"I don't know why we came this far?" Ellie's sister was being a pain in the butt. She would have made the trip all alone if she could, but her mother wouldn't let her.

"What would you be doing at home right now, anyway, sis?" Ellie looked out the passenger window. It was the twilight now. Maybe they could make it to the trailer park just outside of Alliance. They'd already passed Chimney Rock in the almost barren country. Taken a turn north at Scottsbluff and went north.

"Don't you remember when we lived, you know, in Alliance?" Ellie couldn't help but smile about it.

"Not really." Her sister's voice was dull and as of yet, Ellie knew she'd never been in love. It was as if she was waiting for a an epiphany of some sort, or just to be there for the birth of Ellie's child. "This was such a bad idea." She kept shaking her head as she watched the road and stirred on.

"This is where I belong," Ellie felt certain of it even if her stomach was awful still. She hoped everything was all right. It had to be.

"How do you know that?" Her sister looked at her as if she were crazy.

"Because I have dreams of this place. That's why." She had. For so long. They always took her back to this place. The old woman's place. The home that had been chosen for her. If not this life. Perhaps another. She did not know. But she had to keep faith to get there.

They drove through Alliance. It wasn't quite dark. Or was it? Finally on the outskirts of the town was the trailer park.

"Now what?" Her sister didn't know where to go.

"I can't believe you don't remember this place." Ellie winced. It was the place at the end of the road. It looked like something out of a cartoon perhaps. A nice little pink trailer.

"Who in their right mind would live there?"

"I guess, I would." Ellie just nodded. She knew exactly where the key was when she got out. Only it wasn't there. But the door was unlocked.

mess'n all around

2009-03-26T09:57:00.003-05:00

Kale woke up with a jolt. He wondered how long he'd been out. Was it just 8 hours, a couple of months? Longer? He was in a sweat but he was shivering.

Maybe he wasn't where he thought he was. Or he should be for that matter.

His head had a slight ache. Just a little. Not bad. He kept telling himself. He could hardly swallow the saliva in his mouth. It was a tough call to make. Was he ill? Or just the aftermath?

He knew what he was supposed to do with Ellie that day that everything went down. But he didn't. He couldn't. He just wouldn't.

Could you just love somebody from a far? It was less work that way. Or so it seemed in the beginning and then he became a part of her world, and..

"And its not suppose to be that way, kid." He thought Sal's teeth were perfect then. It just irritated him that Sal could take orders like that.

"Of course." This was a duty of some sort. Wasn't it?

"You take her out. And you know what I mean by out? Don't you?" Sal meant business. "She knows to much. Thanks to your dear little friend Evan. She could blow this out of the water for all of us. It has to be done."

"Got it." Kale knew what he meant. Totally. It would get done.

But it didn't.

thinking it over

2009-03-13T22:45:00.002-05:00

Ellie.

It was coming more clear now, who she was exactly.

Exactly. Exactly as it should be. It formed in Kale's head now.

Precisely, more like it.

He envied Evan before he even saw her. Evan had a girlfriend. How did he do that? It just felt like a horrible geometry equation he couldn't quite figure out. Somebody was crazy about him. And she was.

He remembered the first time he saw her. She was in his car and all cozy with him. It left Kale bitter. Why couldn't it have been him? How did Evan get so lucky.

She was pretty adorable. Actually. But that wasn't it that got to Kale. So what she was blond and she was a bit sassy even. It was the way she looked at Evan that got to Kale the most. Damn, he didn't have that magnetism. Kale couldn't think of anyone out there in the world that was that interested in him. Someone who hung on to every word. Someone who only smiled for you.

It left him bitter. He couldn't stand to see so much joy and happiness. It left a bad taste in his mouth. It made him sulk for days even.

Perhaps Evan had just over-dozed on Ellie. Or she was someone, Kale knew he could never have. All that was left was to find a way to destroy it.

And it left him shaken now that really he was the blame for everything.

Simon n' Josh: a thought

2009-03-06T16:15:00.001-06:00

Simon n' Josh: a thought

then

2009-03-06T15:37:00.005-06:00

That was the first night he spent there in that motel. Perhaps it was more of a wait station than anything. A place to stay until it was decided when to come back. It was a place you went when you wanted to escape the unthinkabale. The law.

Kale guessed, anyway. Not that Sal had said thats what it was. It was just there.

"So how do they decide this kind of stuff?" He wondered if Evan knew. He didn't. Naturally.

"I'm sure its something scientific." Evan didn't much care. All they needed was a TV with a good reception. An extra bed would have been nice. But at least it was queen sized.

"Kind of like that TV show Lost?" Kale winced.

Evan turned on the TV. There was the show Kale had just mentioned.

"Wooh." They both said in unison.

Kale remembered they were as giddy as preschoolers that night.

This was going to be a fantastic life. Getting away with murder, Kale supposed now. But it hadn't felt like it at the time. So certain, it was just one adventure after another.

That was when Evan mentioned his girlfriend Ellie, after they'd been filled up on TV, jerky and plenty of beer.

"And she doesn't know?" That just didn't seem fair to Kale.

"No, I wouldn't want to drag her into this mess, would you want to do that to somebody you loved?" Evan had both his hands behind his head. Laying there all comfortable next to Kale. It was like camping out except in a motel room.

"I guess not." Kale looked at the ceiling as if he might see a million stars out, but he didn't. "Man, that sucks. So what do you say?"

"Just tell her I'm working," Evan shrugged. "Cause, thats kind of like what it is, you know."

"Yeah, I guess so." Only it wasn't a steady paycheck. Sal didn't exactly share the wealth. Why in the hell was he in this in the first place? Kale supposed it was to have friends like Evan.

wish you had

2009-02-19T08:21:00.003-06:00

Kale slightly remembered the obligations now. It was easy in the beginning. Knocking off liquor stores and fast food places. Taking care of business, like the time Sal got jilted with his two front gold teeth. Yeah, there was a lot of slime out there that needed to be taken care of. It was good. Really good.

1. shooting at tires.
2. fight'n with each other to see who was the strongest.
3. going the distance.

"Actually, we're pretty amazing at this," Evan had told Kale. God, Evan couldn't get that stupid grin off his face. It was as if this was better than sex.

Funny, they'd made the best friends in the bunch. If something was going down, Evan always wanted Kale with him. He had it covered. And not to say they had robbed that many banks or even created that much mayhem, still they were the best of friends.

Kale found it all so hard to believe. He came from a nice neighborhood. Good parents. He'd never wanted for anything, and he'd just joined a gang. What was it that he wanted so badly? It just was. He was part of something. And yet he always felt there was just one more thing to do to make it in. He was never sure what Sal might ask of him.

"I just don't think he likes me," Kale had said one night when he and Evan were on a run in a black sports car they'd never seen before. They were looking to find the most unlikely who might turn their lights on and off while driving on the road as a sign to beware of the cops. That was their sign to do them in. It didn't matter who they were. Just do it.

Of course, Kale always thought this was some gang myth of some kind. Perhaps an Internet hoax. But Sal was serious. All crazy-eyed. "JUST DO IT!" No questions asked. Get it done and save your ass. That simple.

"Maybe it would just be easier for you if you sucked him off." Evan had laughed about it as if it were something funny. Kale hadn't found the joke hilarious at all. It just made him dwell on spite more, and when they'd found their innocent victim that night, he'd sought the venom to take him out in just one hit. All right, he beat the old man to a pulp and then some.

Suddenly, though, Kale had found themselves somewhere else. Not of this world. But one just as cold or colder. Dark and barren on a winter's night in the middle of nowhere.

"Where did he go!" Kale looked around. It was just Evan in the car with the headlights on. "Do you think I killed him?"

"Dude, hell if I know, he was an old fucker, anyhow, probably had the same boring job forever Don't worry about it." Evan told him to get in the car.

who's on second

2009-02-08T09:42:00.003-06:00

Kale couldn't possibly think it was him who had done all those things.

1. he'd never had real friends.
2. he watched a lot of TV.
3. he loved everything to be a video game.

Some how he'd been sucked in to Sal's world. He had a gas station. Or maybe it had been abandoned and he'd taken it over. He lived in the back of it. Usually, alone, some time with his whores, but usually, it was just him.

It was party like, actually. It was good in the beginning. The commadority with the usual suspects. None were perhaps as earthy as Sal, but he was their leader, and he had his own techniques of getting you to believe. Of course, Kale often wondered who was above Sal. There had to be some sort of higher power. Just where did Sal get his guns? His protection? Was it all some sort of government plot?

"You must stop asking so many questions, boy!" Sal had given him the evil eye when he brought up such nonsense. "You do as you're told, or you'll wish you had."

Kale thought now of Sal puffing on those cigars. He had no idea what they were laced with. Sometimes, Sal would give everyone a good puff on it. As if it was a state of peace or perhaps just the start of something.

Because it never failed. They always ended up talking to the mirror. Perhaps making promises that Kale had no idea how to keep. Was it the idea that somewhere you could be in another world if you didn't do what you were told? Or was that where you wanted to end up?

It was always a mystery to Kale.

first memory

2009-01-24T01:21:00.003-06:00

Kale felt the bitterness run through his veins as he shut his eyes tight. Like a freight train it came ramming back through his mind as if it were just yesterday. They'd been hanging out late at the playground.

"Are you here for the same thing I am?" Kale had been on top of the jungle gym on the school playground. It was dark and it was late.

"I guess so," Evan just shrugged and found himself a spot on the jungle gym next to Kale.

"I've never ever done anything like this?" Kale wanted to know. Evan shook his head.

"Me, either."

"It should be fun," Evan smirked. "It'll be like a fraternity."

"Yeah, I fraternity. I've always wanted to be in one of those." Kale had smiled at the thought of a fraternity.

"You nervous?" Evan asked while pushing a strand of blond hair behind his ear.

"No. I'm not." The words came so certain now.

Kale kept his eyes tight shut now. Would he remember everything? Did you want to remember everything?

back to the mirror

2009-01-17T10:49:00.003-06:00

Kale just took a moment to stare even if he'd first choked for air. It was all so familiar, but not.

"So how you been?" The blond fellow asked.

"I've been better." Kale didn't know what else to say as he looked behind him to make sure this person wasn't in the bathroom with him. There was no one. Just the figment in the mirror that was talking to him. Who looked to be looking at himself as well as he pulled his stringy locks behind one ear and then the other. "What do you want?"

"Oh, I don't know. You're there. I'm here. It wasn't suppose to happen this way." He shrugged.

"What do you mean?"

"You know where you belong and its not there." He spoke in riddles then.

"I don't even know who in the fuck you are?" Kale winced then. His head was hurting maybe it was all a bad dream.

"We go way back. Why did you forget?" He looked at Kale as if he were a bit offended that he couldn't place him. Exactly. "Oh yeah, its like that. How could I forget?" he smiled. "But it all comes rushing back like an avalanche."

Kale had no idea what he was going on about.

"You think you turned it all around, now don't you?" Kale didn't want to listen. He wanted to walk away. He didn't want to listen. "You took me out. You put me here." His words sounded so bitter and final.

"And to think we were friends once. Really good friends. The best," he reminded Kale now as he turned away. "But she had to come between us..."

Kale couldn't listen to another word. He shut the bathroom door behind him. His heart beat thrust then. Kale blinked seeing the face more clearly in his mind now.

"Evan." He could hardly breathe his name.

just a chill

2009-01-11T09:51:00.005-06:00

Kale woke up in the middle of the night in a sweat. It was as if he were coming back from another world. And she was there. And he'd been with her. Only she wouldn't talk to him. They'd kissed. OK, more than kissed even. As if they had all this catching up to do in a night-filled world where he could hardly make out who she was. Just a blue form who's skin was warm and her lips were sublime, and she knew exactly what he wanted even before he did.

It felt so real. It was if he belonged there not here.

It was such a mystery, and Kale found it rather hard to breathe now as he thought of her. Doing his best to make out the texture of her skin. The color of her hair. It was so obvious.... and yet like a distant memory that would not surface completely.

Kale felt all the worse as he got up to splash water on his face in the bathroom. He stood there looking in the mirror waiting for something to appear. Hopefully, it would be her. Hopefully, he'd have the answers he needed.

He dried his wet face then. Looked back in the mirror. Suddenly, he felt a chill come over him. Someone stared at him from the mirror, but it wasn't her.

the girl I've been thinking of

2009-01-01T10:24:00.004-06:00

Kale was a little depressed. It felt like a blank space in front of him when he looked at himself in the mirror. Who was he? This clean slate, he supposed. Honestly, he wasn't so sure. Really.

He kept staring at the mirror in his room hoping he'd see something. He wasn't sure what he was looking for. Odd, he just knew something had happened to him on the other side of that mirror, but he didn't know what, nor when and how it even all came about.

Now he felt like a child, perhaps being home with his mother who he knew didn't really want him there. She was pleasant enough. Encouraging even, but it was as if she'd given up on him a long time ago, and she wouldn't even tell him why.

It was tough to start over. Figuring out how to hold a pencil between his fingers. Washing dishes without the plates slipping from his fingers and crashing to the floor. Wondering what all those numbers were for on the TV remote.

A part of himself felt like a monster reborn. A lot like Frankenstein. His movements were jerky at first. And he was still lost in most conversations with people. He'd see folks in the neighborhood. They'd be kind enough. Talk of things as if they'd rekindle some memory he had no thoughts of. It was rather discouraging.

Kale slept a lot. And that's where he'd seen her first. In his dreams. It was amazing what he'd noticed about her. But as of yet, he hadn't a clue who the dark blond girl was. He just needed to find her. Perhaps she could tell him everything, but would she? If he found her.

He stared at the mirror as if he were staring a the TV. He waited for some movement out of the corner of his eye. As if she'd appear. Somehow. He squinted hard, hoping to make it happen. But it never did. All that was for sure...he needed to be somewhere else instead of here.

anywhere but here

2008-12-24T13:34:00.003-06:00

Weeks had passed into months. No Evan. No Kale.

Ellie had decided she had become an island shared with only one. Christmas was almost here and she knew she had so much to be thankful for and yet, she felt in oblivion. Dreams were just a far away place now.

She'd tried her best numerous times to hunt down Kale with no avail. Usually, it was just an empty house, or they'd never heard of him. Had he just left? Were they just not telling her the truth when they saw her coming with that baby bump?

Of course, there was her mom insisting that she start taking classes at the nearby university.

"I think if you were on your own would be your best bet," her mother advised.

"On my own?" It just didn't feel quite right. Take advantage of the state as a single mother getting a college education.

"Don't be stupid." Her mother was quite adamant about it. "Its your best bet. If you want a future you'll have to get it yourself. Take the advantage and get yourself an education."

So it had come down to this.

1. don't bother with Kale.
2. keep Evan out of the picture.
3. make the grade.

It sounded quite simple and rather logical. She hadn't had a seizure in quite sometime.

"I know you miss them," her sister said, helping her out with all the questions and paperwork to start at the University.

"So what if I do, if it could some how bring me back to Kale, I would have them. Seriously," Ellie confessed to Kate.

"That's just lust talking," Kate told her who decided to answer most of the questions herself. "You have to look at this as freedom. You find your own way, have your own place. Its not like you're really leaving or any thing. We'll be close by."

Ellie tried to smile, but it felt like a prison term to her. All alone, and no sign of Kale nor Evan anywhere.

what if

2008-12-07T10:39:00.004-06:00

Ellie could see Kate was trying to be as nice as possible.

"I'll help you, you know, if you want to find this guy." Kate had mention this several times after they got home and Ellie got settled back in her room. It was just like she'd left it. So much of high school on the walls. It felt like a different time to her now as she studied it. Where had she really been? Lost in her head?

At least she wasn't having problems with mirrors. Things were so normal, yet she kept feeling sad because she hadn't heard a word from Evan.

"What if something happened to him?" Ellie didn't want to say she'd had dreams of something happening to Evan, but it was on her mind. Why had she let him go so easily now? It made her uneasy.

"You just can't be happy, can you?" Her sister informed her, doing her best to get Ellie to eat, but Ellie really wasn't fond of carrots dipped in peanut-butter. But she ate the snack and she tired to understand that yes, she had to be thankful to be back home.

"Just stop beating yourself up for everything that happened," Kate was right. Ellie knew, but there was so much she hadn't a clue where to start. She could only hope she'd be happy when she found Kale.

back tracking

2008-11-29T12:46:00.002-06:00

It felt good to be on the road again. Maybe. But the weather had changed. No tornadoes. Just snow and ice this time. And it didn't set well with Kate that they had to stop by the hospital where Kale had been.

"What? Are you sick again?" She asked like a pissed off princess but in black. Her sister wasn't a girly girl.

"I'm just fine." But now she wasn't. Because he wasn't there.

"Where did he go?" Ellie was sure they wouldn't tell her a thing. "Did he die?" She could barely hear her own words and she shut her eyes tight not sure she even wanted the answer.

"No." The nurse looked at her as if she'd lost it. "You're one who told me you were his wife, when you weren't."

"No," Ellie found herself caught in a lie that was just multiplying. "It wasn't me."

"I don't think they sent him to jail after all he'd been through. Especially, when he doesn't remember anything.'

"Nothing." Ellie looked at the woman blankly. "They took pity on him. After all, he's in rehabilitation."

"Where?" Couldn't she get a real answer out of this nurse who she thought had liked her at one point.

"Why should I tell you?" The nurse stared at her, a bit peeved.

"Because I'm having his baby!" Ellie found herself pleading. "You have to tell me something!"

"All I know, he went back to Omaha to be with his family."

"Omaha?" Ellie found herself smiling. She just lived on the outskirts of the city, herself. Her mother did, and that's where she was going. She would find him. She had too.

the deep freeze

2008-11-16T22:32:00.004-06:00

Did Ellie dare ask where Evan went off too? Probably the bathroom, knowing him.

"He left," her sister told her. "In case you were wondering. Says he can't take anymore of these seizures from you." Kate smirked. "Who knows, maybe you'll stop having them if he isn't around."

Ellie smiled although she felt so sad for doing so. If only it could be another place in another time for Evan, it might be different. For all Ellie knew it might be worse.

"Where did he go?" Ellie felt a cold chill come over her. Usually she woke up in a sweat, but not this time. She was just cold. But the baby monitor bleeped a steady heartbeat. Her own was fine, as well.

"Home, I think. Where else would he go?" Kate shrugged.

Ellie didn't know what to say. How could he just leave without saying good bye?

"You know, deep down you wanted him to leave. You know, there's someone else." Kate said out of the blue.

"I didn't. Really, I want him...to be safe." Ellie was serious and her sister was laughing it off.

"When can I go home?" Ellie finally found a nurse in her room.

"We'll watch you til morning," the nurse told her. "Lets hope you go home soon." She left the room then.

Kate smirked again, "Just what sort of bad patient were you?"

"I don't know, I guess I get pretty possessed when I have these seizures," Ellie felt her teeth start to chatter as she hid down under the covers. "If I do go home tomorrow, I have one last stop on the way back," Ellie told her sister.

"Does it have anything to do with shopping?" Kate smiled.

"No, nothing about shopping." Ellie put the covers around her shoulders and neck. It was suddenly freezing in here.

around here

2008-11-10T15:54:00.005-06:00

Why was it that she always seemed to end up in Sal's gas station. It was so cold there. The lights flickering as if once they went out, she'd be in pitch black and not sure where to go.

"Hullo!" Her voice echoed through the vessel that seemed abandoned at the moment. Ellie felt her way down the cement walls. The tire compressor now seemed like a torture device of some kind.

Finally, she noticed an ember glowing just outside the front entrance. As she came closer, she saw it was Sal.

"What's going on?" She felt if they were the only two people in this world. "Have you seen Kale?"
"What are you doing back?" Sal squinted. "You shouldn't be here."

"Well, of course, I shouldn't be here. I keep coming back, I don't know why. I want to figure this out as much as you do."

"Well, you won't find Kale here."

"Where is he?"

"He went back." Sal scratched the side of his head then.

"Went back where?"

"You know, where he came from." Sal walked inside then.

"Where he came from?" Ellie squinted feeling a chill then. It was cold here. Much colder than she imagine. "Where did he come from?"

"Beats me." Sal shrugged getting him a sugary cola from the drink box. "But he's not here, pumpkin."

Ellie looked at him wide eyed. Why would he say such a thing. She looked down at her stomach then. It was bulging. How could she forget that. It was like an annoying beach ball that had suddenly swelled up inside her, and it was kicking. Kicking hard. She blinked then and she was back in the hospital bed. She looked up and saw her mother on one side of her, her sister on the other, but Evan wasn't there.

neither here nor there

2008-11-05T16:18:00.003-06:00

Ellie felt she had to be on Evan's side a little, but not totally. While she was waiting for her papers to give her the all clear to go, and her Mom and sis had made a Wal-Mart run, Ellie at least had Evan to herself in her hospital room.

"What if somebody gets killed on the way home?" She couldn't believe she said it, but wasn't there a possibility. A gang was out to get them, weren't they?

"Don't make this CSI," Evan winced. "We'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Ellie was torn. "We are on the run, aren't we?"

"I dunno." Evan looked as if knew something. "I've been listening to your mom and sounds like they had this big gang round up."

"So does this mean you're going to jail?"

"No."

"Well, isn't that lovely," Ellie hugged herself thinking then, she wasn't alone anymore. There was actually someone here listening to all this other than her. "You're father should be in jail." She told her stomach which really looked pretty flat, but then she was hardly through her first month.

"I have a good mind to call the cops on you," Ellie stared at Evan then while he was staring at her stomach.

"You wouldn't," He smirked.

"What if you aren't the father of this baby?" She honestly didn't like to think that he was. Therefore, it would be so much easier to tell the truth about her little adventure with him.

"But I am,"

"I want to know for sure."

"Well, quit sounding like it was immaculate conception," Evan gritted a smile. "Because it wasn't."

They said nothing to each other for the longest time.

"You know, you're only this way because Kate is here. If Kate wasn't here, we'd be just like we were, happy," Evan then said.

"Don't be so sure of that," she frowned.

"I should have never called your mother," Evan told her.

"Well, where would we be now?"

"You wanted to go to Alliance, as I recall." Evan was now crossing his arm. Neither had anything to smile about.

"Well." She didn't know how to explain her dreams to him which evidently were seizures according to the doctor which took her from one world to another. "I still want to go there. I think that's where I belong."

"You have lost it," Evan shook his head. "I don't know what happened, but I swear I don't even know you anymore."

"Well, maybe I'm all fucked up because you screwed up my life!" She felt her blood pressure rising then. She would have split blood if could have, but instead Ellie could feel herself seeping into a dark hole until everything was black.

going back

2008-10-31T14:49:00.004-05:00

Ellie had almost forgot what her sister looked like. It was a shock. Was it really Kate? She thought of how often Evan said she couldn't call her. It would be so wrong. They couldn't get anyone involved in this. They might get hurt. And now she was standing here next to her along with her mother.

No one was saying anything. Ellie wondered if maybe she'd gone deaf. Maybe this was another side effect of where ever she'd been and back again.

"Well, say something?" Ellie winced, knowing they'd both think she was a brat for what she'd said.

"Its just we thought you were, kidnapped. We thought we'd never hear from you again," her mother was crying as she put her arms around Ellie. It felt awkward at first, but then it was a comfort to be in her mother's arms.

"Oh, I knew where you were," Kate flung her dark hair behind her back and kept her arms crossed. "I knew you were with him. Who else could it be?" She looked over at Evan as if she'd kill him if given half the chance.

"I'm OK." Really, mentioning the whole gang thing at the moment would just make things worse. Possibly, that was over with now. Wasn't it?

"You were on the news," her mother told her.

"I was?"

"Its like a miracle." Her mother nodded as if she looked on the wall she might find the figure of Mother Mary looking down on Ellie.

"Mom, really, its not like that. Its complicated," Ellie told her.

"Aren't you always?" Kate looked at Evan, again. "He isn't worth it, Ellie, you deserve so much better."

"Hey, I'm right here," Evan winced. Kate paid him no mind. She touched Ellie's arm then.

"When can we take you home, sis?" Kate kept her eye on Ellie.

"I guess-" Ellie looked over at Evan then.

"We can all go home today." Evan smiled. Kate just have him a groan.

lately

2008-10-25T01:31:00.003-05:00

Ellie didn't want to be here. She didn't want it to be all in her head about Kale. She wanted it to be real. It had to be. It felt so right to be there. And yet she was here.

An IV in her arm. She was hooked up to heart monitors as well as the baby's heart beating. It was really true. Ther was something in side her. And she didn't even know when happened.

Ellie didn't know much of anything at the moment.

"So how long was I out?" She looked to Evan for answers now. Why did it have to be this way? Why had it gone so wrong?

"Not long, maybe almost an hour. But I don't think it was that long?" He took her hand then as she focused on the sound of the monitors surrounding her.

"I'm not sure about this." She shook her head. "What if its the baby giving me these..these dreams or whatever?"

"You're just tired. You'll be OK," he promised.

Ellie just nodded. Wishing she honestly thought so.

"You're Mom will be here in a little while." Evan just smiled.

"Are you going to California?" Ellie was certain he wouldn't be sticking around. Not now.

"No, I want to be with you." He squeezed her hand just a bit.

"Really," Ellie just felt puzzled. Nothing seemed to happen like she wanted, lately.

avalanche

2008-10-20T01:59:00.002-05:00

The wind was getting up. She felt as if they were in the middle of a storm coming up, but she didn't want to let go of Kale.

Images flashed through her mind of the moment she actually saw Bro. Sal for the first time. He was a bad guy after all. He'd held a knife to her throat. Evan had been in the bathroom all that time. Her eyes had rolled back in her head and her tongue felt trapped in her throat. It had been a near death experience. Maybe. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe she was trying to kill herself before they could. But Kale had been with her. He had the handcuffs.

Had he fallen in love with her then? No, she didn't believe that. Not for a second now. It was all so bad then. So awful. Somehow she'd turned it around, but she didn't know how.

"Are you sure you want to be here?" Kale asked then after the memory had faded.

She nodded. Thinking, he wouldn't be like this anywhere else, but what if he'd changed. What if Kale wasn't who he had been?

"Why can't you let it go?" Ellie winced.

"Because you can't," Kale smiled at her then.

She reached for him then, but she was already gone, sucked back to where she had been. Perhaps, but this time she awoke in a sweat in a hospital bed.

"Good, you're with us, again," the nurse was taking her pulse. She felt the stab of the IV in her arm. She felt so weak, trapped perhaps.

"What am I doing here?" She tried to lift her head, but she couldn't. Was it just another dream? Was it the powers that be? "I want to see Evan." She figured as much he'd just dropped her off at the emergency room and left, but no, he was out in the hallway. The nurse was nice enough to get him.

"Hey," Evan grabbed her hand then. "They said you'll be OK. Everything is OK. The baby is just fine."

"Really." How could that be.

"You just lost consciousness for a while, that's all. They say it was a seizure."

"A seizure," she thought she might choke then.

"I called your Mom." Evan then nodded.

"You did?"

"Yeah, I don't know how else we're gonna pay for this. Exactly." Evan shrugged.

"So I'm going home?"

"I guess so."

Ellie so wanted to believe him. But maybe this was a dream too. Everything seemed to be one nightmare after another, lately.

blue moonlight

2008-10-12T10:43:00.004-05:00

Ellie could sense the stale air around her as she walked into the darkness. Not a streetlight in sight. It was an irie feeling. Yet, she didn't fear it as much as she thought she would.

She wasn't sure why or how Bro. Sal knew to find her. She just kept walking as if she'd stumbled into this and all she knew to do was to walk out of it the best way she knew she could.

Ellie thought there was moonlight, but she didn't see the moon shining down on her. How could this be? It felt blue. A midnight blue. Was she sure she was in the same place from before?

She walked into the town. Past the square which was totally dead. She saw the theater though on the corner. It stood shining like a beacon of some sort. Just waiting for her. She supposed. But just when she got there, the lights blinked out. It was if she had some sort of energy to make the power go out. No matter, she was going in. Except, the door wouldn't budge.

"Damn," she kicked at the door which was no help. This was really beginning to bother her. How come Bro. Sal hadn't been that much help? He could have came with her. He could have found Kale if it had been that important, couldn't he? Couldn't he.

"Shit," she kicked it again out of anger. Then she decided to bang on the door. "Hey, let me in! I need to talk to you! Kale!" She banged harder til she could no more. She was tired. So tired. What was happening? Why was it like this. She was losing energy.

"What are you doing here?" There was Kale in the street smoking a cigarette. She could barely make him out.

"I don't know, I think Bro. Sal killed me," it was the best answer Ellie could come up with as she came closer hoping to see him more clearly.

He put out the cigarette.

"You don't remember?" He asked.

"No." What was she supposed to remember?

"From before?"

"What before?"

"The motel room," he said. Ellie looked up at his face then hoping to memorize every detail of it. She couldn't help it. She just couldn't.

"I don't remember," A chill came over her though as if maybe she might, but she really didn't want too.

"You have to," Kale said, and when he kissed her with a deep kiss, it all came back to her like an avalanche.

the burdens you carry

2008-10-01T03:41:00.001-05:00

"What are you doing here?" She asked. Only he wasn't exactly looking at her, but behind her.

His leathery fingers came around her throat. She saw his sly smile in the mirror.

"I have to take care of you now," he whispered in her ear. His fingers tighten. Her gag reflex was in place. She started to choke, but struggled more. All she could. He took her breath away. And then it all went black.

She took the deepest breath when she came around. It was like coming up from black water. Only she was in a sweat on the cement floor of his gas station.

The florescent lighting flickered.

Ellie gasped more for air. She felt cold now. Like ice as she rose up on her elbows and saw the sparks fly from the other part of the garage where Bro. Sal was working.

"Why would you do that?" She got up then and came to see what he was doing. Sharpening a machety, Ellie noticed as her eyes open wide.

"Because he missed you." His very quiet voice said.

"But I'm not supposed to be here," Ellie winced.

"Who's to say whats wrong and what's right." He looked back at her then.

"You could get in a lot trouble from who ever's in charge, you know." Ellie understood this.

"Hasn't happened yet, baby." Brother Sal smirked as he put the hot blade down.

"What am I suppose to do? Where's Kale?" She followed him to the soft drink box where he handed her a sickening sweet Pepsi.

It was God awful but she drank it anyway.

"I guess he's at work," Sal said. "Possibly."

"You don't even know?"

"He gets around," Sal shrugged. "What can I tell you? I'm not his body guard."

"You..you choked me!" Had he forgotten or did she forget. Why wasn't she more mad? Wasn't this where she was meant to be?"

"I used to do that for a living," he smiled.

"I have to find, Kale." She nodded. Ellie looked down at her bare feet. She guessed she didn't need shoes. She had to find Kale now.

no nada nothing

2008-09-27T15:23:00.003-05:00

Well, of course, he wouldn't let her leave the light on.

"We both need some shut eye," Evan told her. "And I'm not getting rid of the car. We need it if we want to get to Alliance."

Naturally, he'd believe her to be crazy. After all, she was pregnant. Was that his answer for everything.

Ellie wasn't going to go to sleep. She'd keep staring at that mirror hoping Kale would get back to her. But nothing happened. She expected it. Why was it like that? First he appears. Gives her an inkling of hope and then he's gone.

What if he came out of the coma just like that? Then what? Would he remember the things he said?

Maybe she was really crazy. Crazy. Just crazy.

She wouldn't let herself cry about this. After all, she had made coffee from top soil, now hadn't she? Why couldn't she go back to that if she felt safer there than here. It was true. Nowhere was perfect. Now was it?

She looked in the mirror harder. She thought she saw something move. But it could have been a truck from outside passing by in the parking lot. Maybe some drunk was stumbling back to his room.

Ellie moved in toward the dresser. She couldn't exactly look at it like a window. Her reflection was there too. Maybe she was already there. What if she didn't even know it.

And then he appeared from the darkness. But it wasn't Kale.

Brother Sal.

traveling light

2008-09-10T16:40:00.004-05:00

How would Ellie ever sleep now after seeing Kale? It was hopeless. She kept staring into the mirror over the dresser. It was dark, but she kept waiting. Hoping Kale might lay there in the bed in the mirror. But it didn't happen.

Ellie was afraid there was no magic left. It was gone. Just a dream perhaps. And this was real. They needed to get to that trailer park in Alliance. But could she really talk Evan into doing this. Making a trip out to no where.

She believed they'd be safe. But would they? Should they be driving his car at all?

Now it didn't have one ding in it. It did before, she remembered. Something had happened. Ellie believed Evan had ended up where she'd been before. Although, she'd never seen him in the other world. Just his car.

She nudged Evan then. "We have to get rid of the car." She told him.

"What?" He sighed with sleep. She knew he didn't want to talk about this. Not right now.

"Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Because you should have been asleep. You don't need to have stuff like this on your mind," Evan winced looking up at her.

"No, we should have gotten rid of that car a long time ago." She thought for a moment. "You got rid of the car, before. You did. You, you made it look like an accident. You wanted them to think we'd been in an accident. And you thought the car would burn up, but it never did. It never did, did it, Evan?"

"Hold on, now. Just." He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning on one elbow.

"OK, look, I had this really messed up dream or something from before, and I really think it could get us out of the mess right now if we figure out what to do. We have to go to Alliance."

"That's like twenty or a hundred miles from here going north of Chimney Rock. I think. I'd have to look at the map."

"Chimney Rock?"

"Remember the Oregon trail game? The pioneers had to decide which trail to take once they got to Chimney Rock." He looked at her as if they had something historical to decide.

"Maybe."

"What's in Alliance?" He stared at her.

"Some place to live." Ellie nodded.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I lived there all right. I just never went out to Chimney Rock, you know." She laid her head back on the pillow.

"Can I sleep on this for a bit."

"I'm keeping the lights on because I think we should leave now instead of later." Ellie hoped no one came banging on their door soon. Least of all, busting the door down. She decided to turn the light off, after all.

how'd he know

2008-09-04T19:49:00.003-05:00

Ellie awoke in a sweat. Maybe Evan was just too hot. No it was her. She was hot. Like volcano hot, she thought. But then again, she was pregnant.

Naturally, she got up from bed and went to the mirror at the dresser to see if perhaps someone was there. Anyone. OK, just Kale. Really, she might scream if someone else showed up. But nothing. Yeah, she was crazy. Crazy to think she could somehow still find Kale in any motel room on the other side..that is.

So she went and took a shower. But it was a hot shower because she hated cold showers. And she stayed under the heat until it went cold. Then she started to shiver and practically shook until she could wrap a towel around her, but then she soon found herself sweating again while she was brushing her teeth. She looked up at the steamed mirror. Thinking nothing significantly was there, but when she wiped away the residue, there was Kale looking at her.

"What the fuck," But she didn't say it too loudly.

"Do you know how many motel rooms I've been to in the last week?" He shrugged.

"How am I supposed to believe that. You are in a coma." Ellie was very certain of this. She had after all held his hand.

"Maybe there, but not here," He shrugged again.

"What could be worse? The coma or being there?"

"It's not that bad." He nodded.

"Really?" She looked at him as if were a sign. "Then I'm coming back."

"I don't think so."

"But, why not?"

"Want to try?"

Of course, the mirror was not like water when she touched it.

"You better stay where you are."

"And Evan?"

"His days are numbered like the rest of us."

"He says you're the bad guy," Ellie said. "Tell me is that true?"

"Does it look like I'm gonna kill him?"

"I don't know."

"Look, you better get back to bed," Kale said.

"Don't tell me what to do," Ellie couldn't help but scowl a bit.

"Well, thank you for your consideration, it was nice chatting with you too." Kale started to walk away.

"When can I see you again," Ellie said. "Since I won't be seeing you at the hospital anytime soon."

"Don't worry, we'll keep in touch." Kale nodded. "You're still gonna move into that old woman's trailer, aren't you?"

"How'd you know that," Elie had never told him her plan.

"I can read your mind now," Kale grinned.

"Oh, yeah, what am I thinking now?"

"That you want to fuck me," He winked, "Or maybe that's the thought I'm sending you."

"Really, you can do that?" She hadn't noticed such a thing.

"Its really kind of hard to figure it out, but I believe it to be true." He nodded.

"Mean while," Kale grinned brightly. "Sweet dreams."

Ellie wasn't sure if her hair was still wet from the shower or if it was just sweat.

another night in another motel

2008-08-29T23:18:00.005-05:00

Ellie wondered where she'd been all this time. Still.

They were in a new motel room, close to a hundred miles from the last motel room. It was a little rundown, but do-able. She'd had worse. She thought of Kale's place.

Suddenly her head was stuffy and she could hardly breath. It just wasn't right.

They'd got fixings for sandwiches so she was busy making one while Evan was in the bathroom dying his hair. He hadn't wanted her around him.

"You're pregnant. The dye might make the baby sick," he told her.

"What about me? What if makes me sick and I just puke all over everything out here while you're in there." She'd gotten in his face about that.

"You were the one who brought it up," Evan reminded her.

"All right." They'd left it at that. And Ellie went to make her hoagie sandwich.

They'd gotten turkey, ham and cheese along with sprouts and avocado.

It was the best damn sandwich she'd ever bitten into. Ellie savored every bite. She was so hungry. Then she thought of Kale and all the miserable food there. Was he still actually there having to eat lumpy cream of mushroom soup? It made her want to gag.

Which was worse? Laying in a coma or being there. Where ever there was.

She heard the blowdryer then. A chill came over her.

What if Evan turned into Kale? OK, the Kale she thought of as her own, not this hoodlum Evan kept talking about.

Anything was possible, Ellie supposed.

But no, it was just Evan with black hair instead of blond.

"So you feel any different?" Ellie asked.

"Maybe." He shrugged and went to put himself a sandwich together.

"I was beginning not to like you, Evan," Ellie confessed. "I'm still not sure. Exactly."

"You are pregnant and crazy." His answer plain and simple.

"Its not that." She closed her eyes wondering how did she ever loved him to begin with. It was this state of emotion and if it popped like a balloon then it was very hard to find another. Or so she thought. Was it something like that with Evan? Where had her faith gone with Evan? Why had she replaced it with the longing for someone else? It just didn't seem fair.

"It is. And I have to put up with-" He started eating then.

"Look, I know I can be an ass." Evan told her afterwards. "And I didn't know it was going to turn into this. And it wasn't that I never wanted kids, it was the idea that I could, you know, make you fat, and you could hate me. That kind of thing. And even worse, what if something happens? I don't want anything bad to happen to you, Ellie." He got up then and cleaned up.

"All right," Ellie nodded.

Maybe there were feelings there for Evan. They were just hidden, but now they felt they were slipping into place as they went to bed, and the lights went out. They spooned in the moonlight. She just hoped something would go right.

what if

2008-08-27T16:31:00.004-05:00

Ellie could hardly keep her eyes open as she sat in the passenger seat in Evan's little black sports car. She kept hoping she'd fall asleep and wake up in another world with another Kale and not be stuck with Evan in this one.

Her feelings for Evan had changed. Maybe he acted better, but how could she trust him.

She opened her eyes and stared down the long stretch of the interstate.

"What if they're already there?" Ellie looked at Evan.

"What do you mean?" He looked over at her a bit sleepily.

"I mean, what if, who ever it is, knows where you're going." Ellie told him.

"Nobody knows where we're going?" He winced.

"Oh really?" She leaned back and sighed. Her legs felt like sandbags. She really wanted to get out and walk around. "Wouldn't it be obvious to your Mom or say your brother. They could ask around, you know."

"I don't like where you're going with this." Evan shook his head.

"I know. I know, you don't. But its possibly true. And you know what else, they're looking for this very sun bleached guy and me."

"And?"

"We need to be incognito. We don't need to go to California."

"What do have against California?"

"Nothing." She scowled.

"They have beaches. There is the ocean." He kept looking ahead down the road.

"Is that all you think about?"

"No, I think about you." Evan squinted looking over at her.

"Well, then, maybe I know a place. If you'd just listen to me, it might help." She crossed her arms, again. She was beginning to think they drove from one Wal-mart to the next. There was one up head, and Evan was signaling to go to it.

An oasis

2008-08-20T05:35:00.005-05:00

Thank God, he finally pulled into a Wal-Mart.

Ellie had fought back tears but when she saw the vast parking lot she thought she might be in heaven.

"I need food." She told him.

"I know that, " Evan squinted with a bit of sweat. Her legs were so tired as they walked across the parking lot with the sun shining down. "I'm hungry too."

Before they even went in they stopped for a bucket of KFC fried chicken. Extra crispy. Ellie couldn't help but stuff a whole biscuit in her mouth. It was amazingly tasty. Everything was. The Pepsi was fresh. The chicken was perfect. She ate down to the bone.

"OK, I get it you're famished," Evan said with a watchful eye.

"I might be eating for two, you know." Ellie let it slip.

"I know." He nodded.

"When?" This was getting strange now.

"You had to have the pregnancy test like yesterday, remember. You were horrible. Now, I know why."

"I was." She was really hoping it wasn't true. She just needed a chance to get back to Kale. Maybe an accident, or even an overdose. How was she going to get out of this? Still she needed her strength? But could fast food give you strength without weighing you down for the most part.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I've been a real ass about everything, and if I'd only known what you saw and all. I would have never put you through any of this."

"What I saw?"

"Just forget it."

"I think I already have." Ellie nodded.

"Can you think of anything you might need?"

"Yeah, underwear and a lot of it."

Wait

2008-08-17T17:08:00.003-05:00

Ellie kept staring at Kale while the nurse went to make the changes on Kale's paperwork. It was so bright in the room, Ellie was sure this couldn't be happening. Soon she'd be somewhere else, maybe another world. Someone telling her that she couldn't do this. Be here for Kale.

"What are you doing?" Evan had found her, and he was pulling her from Kale, prying her fingers from him. "You shouldn't be here." He looked around as if they couldn't be seen here. They needed to leave.

"What?" She winced as he grabbed her by the waist.

"You don't know him!"

"Yes, I do! I do Evan! I know who he is!" Evan didn't give her time for an answer. He put his hand over her mouth and went out the quickest exit.

They were midway in the back parking lot before she bit him.

"Damn!" He said but didn't let go. "We're getting the hell out of here, right now If I'd only known what this was really about. Why didn't you tell me!"

"Tell you what!" She was trying to scream. She was kicking, but he wasn't letting go as he finally found his car out front.

"There could be someone around watching," he told her after he'd stuff her in the car and locked the doors. "Lets just go to California."

"But I don't want to go to California," Ellie told. "I want to be right here. I can find a job in the hospital. I'll stay there til Kale wakes up. I don't want to be here with you!" She punched her fist into the dashboard, thinking she should really be hitting him.

"Ellie, it doesn't work that way. It doesn't. Its just you and me. Not him. You don't want to know him. You have to believe me."

"Why should I believe you?" He was leaving the car lot now. But not too fast. He didn't want the cops to notice, but fast enough to keep Ellie from flying out the door.

"Because you have too." He looked over at her. "Why were you with him? He's the enemy. Don't you get it?"

"No, I don't," Ellie looked back at the hospital. It felt like a fading memory. She just couldn't forget.

"They sent him to kill you, Ellie." He kept his eyes on the road and kept drving a bit more than the speed limit.

"Me? What about you? What are you talking about?"

"I can't do this right now, you just have to trust me," Evan told her as he headed down the interstate. They were going to California even if it were hours away.

nothing like you and me

2008-08-16T02:32:00.001-05:00

When the nurse spotted Ellie with Kale, Ellie froze. Was this real? A nurse? Really?

She winced and tears came immediately.

"What are you doing here?" The nurse gently patted Ellie on the back which surprised her. She didn't try to yank her away.

"I've been looking for my...my husband." Ellie nodded.

"You know him?"

"Yes," Ellie nodded. "I do. He's ....He's Kale Green. And, and I'm his wife." She was definite on that lie. She'd keep telling it, as many times as she had too, to make it true. Why couldn't it be true.

"Honestly, he's just another John Doe, I'm afraid."

"I didn't know what had happened? How did it happen?" Ellie needed a clue. It was all going to go back to that motel room, wasn't it.

"We don't know exactly what he was trying to do. Might have been suicide. Might not have been."

Ellie didn't believe for a second it was really suicide.

"How long has he been this way."

"A little over a week?"

Ellie winced more. It felt longer to her, like months.

"I don't know how it could have happened." Couldn't the nurse be a little more insightful.

"Maybe, you should talk to the police." The nurse then said.

"The police." She didn't need the police in on this. "I don't understand?"

"There is an on going police investigation."

"But why?"

"I'm not sure. Quite possibly, its gang related."

"Do people in gangs commit suicide?"

The nurse didn't have an answer for that one. Ellie kept looking back at Kale. Was everything he'd told her a lie? She didn't want to believe it to be true. Yet the only true place she knew wasn't here at all. It was somewhere else.

open your eyes

2008-08-12T01:24:00.001-05:00

Ellie guessed this was the only hospital around. They took the first exit they found for a hospital. Of course, she wished she'd eaten something back at the truck-stop or maybe even stopped to see if there was anyone familiar around. Anyone she'd remember.

But it was off to the hospital.

They sat in the emergency room together.

"What is the emergency, anyway?" Evan just wouldn't let up with the question.

"I dunno."

"What, what in the hell are we doing here?" He was a bit cross.

"That's why we're here, to find out if there is a problem." She looked away as if she didn't even want to look at him.

"A problem?" Evan looked at her. "What kind of problem?"

"I told you-"

"Just give me a guess?" Evan kept staring as if he'd guess.

Ellie sighed and got up to go look for a nurse. It would take forever to be seen around here and not a soul in sight. Or so it seemed.

"I need to go to the bathroom." Ellie was thinking they should have just found a Wal-Mart or something. Get the pregnancy test. No. No. There was a reason she was here. Maybe it had nothing to do with being pregnant.

"Wait?" Evan called after her. She didn't wait.

She walked down the long thin white corridor. There was hardly anything homey about the place. Just a picture of a baby and its mother to turn to the maternity ward. She kept going, following the signs to intensive care.

What if she found herself already there, and this was just an out of body experience? She guessed she wouldn't have brought Evan along for the ride, perhaps. She made so many turns she had not idea where she ended up. But the halls just got darker. And there was no one. No one at the ward to guard it.

She went in. Looking through charts. Hoping she might get lucky. But it looked to be a dead end. No one with the name Kale. Maybe she'd looked wrong. Maybe his first name was actually his last. Maybe.

"John....John..." So many Johns, she thought with a scowl. Why couldn't he be here? Why couldn't she find him? It was this gut feeling he was here. He had to be.

She started walking toward the sheeted walls. There was an old woman under and oxygen tank. A kid, hooked up to monitors and the like. A girl who's wrists were bandaged, and she looked at peace.

Ellie was about to give up. But at the very end. There he was. Kale looked asleep. The heart monitor going. The IV in its place.

Ellie staggered back. Almost fell on the bed behind her. She choked for air. It was real, she had to believe, but didn't want to. But he smelled of death, already. The air was a thick poison around him, but she took his hand, anyway.

"Open your eyes," she whispered. "Open your eyes." But he didn't.

love don't live here anymore

2008-08-11T01:24:00.004-05:00

Ellie was sure she heard someone say out there, "You get a second chance..." but she wasn't sure if she heard correctly. She kept asking but her eyes shut automatically. And it felt as if she was on air as she floated away from where she'd been in the white room. She was going some place dark. She just knew it.

There was so much she wanted to get back to with Kale. Experiments to start. Places to explore. She had a sad feeling she'd never know about the place she'd been. Had it been a dream? Was this a dream? What in the hell was going on?

Suddenly, she felt as if she was in a vacuum and it sucked her somewhere...somewhere she'd been before.

Ellie could hardly make it out in the darkness. She was in bed. At least. She took a deep breath. This was real. Wasn't it? It was a memory. Perhaps.

Ellie rose up on her elbows trying to make out where she was and who was with her. She got up in the same dress she'd been in all along. No undies. She could never seem to keep up with them. She reached for the lamp next to the bed before she even knew what she was doing.

There was Evan. His back bare and turned away from her. She just stared for a moment. Then went to the mirror to look through it like a window, searching for Kale. Ellie bumped her head against the mirror. There was no one waiting for her.

She noticed the handcuffs on the dresser. Immediately, she put them in her handbag as if no one would be using these but her. Just in case.

What had happened? She felt a little lost and slightly empty as she licked her dry lips. She went through her bag then hoping for something sweet. Something to savor, but she'd already eaten the melted candy. Evidently.

"Why are you up so early," Evan squinted to the light.

"I just couldn't sleep." She wasn't sure if she should get back in bed with Evan. Things had changed. Hadn't they? "I want to go to the hospital." She'd decided maybe she could figure this out there. Not that she wanted anyone to figure out she was crazy. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe. She just knew she had to go there. It was better than waiting around here.

"The hospital? You look perfectly fine to me." He got up then. He atleast had his flannel pants on. She didn't have any underwear. Still. And there was none to be found in the motel room, either. Damn. She bit her bottom lip. What was it with the underwear?

"What do you remember? These last few days?" Ellie crossed her arms and stared at him.

"That we left home." He shrugged looking at her as if he was one lost puppy and she was suppose to be taking care of him instead of just standing there doing nothing.

"That's all there is to it?" She wished he wouldn't lie.

"Yeah." Evan touched her shoulders then, but she flinched away. She didn't want him touching her.

"Somebody trying to hurt me, Evan?" Ellie asked.

"No, of course not." Evan winced as if how could she think such a thing.

"Are they after you?"

"You don't know anything, " He smiled. "Stop trying to make shit up." He grabbed her, shaking her a little.

Ellie pulled away before he hugged her.

"I'm going to the hospital. I don't care if you come with me or not." She went outside then.

"Don't be mad!" He chased after her. "You are all right, aren't you?"

Of course, his black sports car was locked and not a scratch on it.

"I dunno." She felt lost as she looked around. "Can we go home after I go to the hospital?"

"But we're going to California."

"I don't want to go to California," Ellie said. She thought of the silly trailer house that the old lady had promised her in her dream. It wasn't even where she lived, but where she used to live. That would be her home now, if she ever got out of here.

"But we'd decided," Evan said unlocking the door as they got in.

"You decided."

He started the car then. Ellie had no idea where the nearest hospital was.

getting the picture

2008-08-10T14:27:00.001-05:00

She was sure she'd fallen asleep in Kale's arms. It felt that way. His weight next to her in the small bunk in the retro-apartment they called home. It felt a little like camp, actually. Maybe thats why it was fun. She wasn't sure. But Ellie knew she went to sleep with a smile on her face because really this was the best thing that had happened yet since being here. And how long had she been here, really?

But when she awoke all she could feel was the white room imposing on her. She was draped in a white gown as well. It didn't feel natural. Was this the next step? What had she done? She wanted to go back. She had to go back.

Ellie squinted her eyes shut as she waited for men in white coats and masks on their faces to stop peering over her. There were nods and murmurs. She tried to fake sleep, but then what good would that do her.

"What's happening?" She could have thought of worse things to say, but she didn't want to be worse off than she already was. Ellie supposed she'd done something bad, possibly wrong.

What could it have been? Making coffee out of potting soil? Or was it this whole thing with Kale?

Ellie gritted her teeth. Waiting. Waiting for the punishment. Her heart was freaking, and it was all she could hear when they began to speak behind the masks.

"What?" She winced. "What are you trying to tell me?" Still it didn't register. Ellie reached up and pulled a white mask from the man's face. He looked like something from an old movie in the sixties with black rimmed glasses and a lean face.

"There's a problem."

"What kind of problem?" She'd fix it. Maybe.

"Not to say its never happened. Usually, it never does."

"What does? What did I do? What's going on? Who are you people?"

"We'd prefer if you'd relax. Maybe go back to sleep." The man patted her shoulder.

"I don't want to. I want to know what's going on?" She tried to raise her head up but she was stuck. Practically, glued to the metal table.

"Not so many questions," The other doctor told her on the other side.

"Ok, what is it? I'm listening?" She wanted them to tell her something in this glowing white room that seemed to be pulsating. Was it the end?

"We've detected a small problem," the doctor (she supposed) went on to say.

"Yes," Ellie was ready for the worst. Maybe they'd give her a sedative and send her on her way.

"You're with child."

"Well, that was pretty fast," Ellie almost laughed. So thats what she was here for? Come to the other side and pick up a guy, have sex and make this world a better place. You couldn't get paid for a gig like this at home.

"No." The doctor sighed. "That's the problem. You shouldn't be doing that here. Its unacceptable."

"Well, get some better movies or something." Ellie crossed her arms over her stomach then. "Its so god-awful around here."

The doctor clicked a tiny remote and a big screen came on. It was Ellie and Evan going at it the very last time. Evidently. Well, she didn't know it would be the last time. Ellie shuttered to look, but yeah, he did have a nice ass, and she wished she hadn't been in handcuff. Generally, it wasn't that kinky when they had sex.

She sighed.

"And? And now what am I supposed to do?" But they kept rewinding and watching it all over again. "Can you shut that off! I get the picture!"

"We haven't decided yet." The doctor told her.

"Why do you have to decide?" She looked at him for an answer. No one seemed to be able, too.

long hawl

2008-08-09T02:21:00.005-05:00

"What changed your mind?" She asked him after their walk home in the rain holding hands.

"Lets not talk about it," he said, kissing her again, and she kissed back. It was the first time she'd really seen him smile like that. She waited to see if he'd make the first move. He didn't. So she did.

"I'm not going to talk about it," she promised, unbuttoning his wet shirt and slopping him out of it. She wished there were music, but she supposed they could make their own. After all, there must have been a reason why the bottom bunk was hers. She pulled him by the beltloops there. Hopefully, he could figure out what to do.

She kissed him gently, "I really don't like all this waiting," Ellie whispered in his ear. She shook her head, no. And once she felt his damp skin next to hers, it was time. How could someone forget how it was, she thought. Evan did not come to mind as she wrapped herself around him. It was a rush, like a freight train finding its way home in the dead of night, but it was the motion of the throttle that swayed her most. The push. The pull. A new memory built here, not there. A work in progress, perhaps.

She smiled slightly when it was over. Maybe she knew what she came for, after all.

rain

2008-08-07T02:11:00.006-05:00

It had been a good day. There had been a lot of good days at the truck-stop, lately. First it was the chocolate chip cookie recipe that came through. Now the meatloaf was amazing.

"You're a keeper." The old man who had cooked far too long at the truck-stop informed Ellie who couldn't help but smile. It was contagious. All this happiness.

People were really smiling. Yet the skies were gray. It looked like rain. Perhaps.

Ellie waited at the theater for Kale. She supposed she'd made him want to work harder. But he was still depressed. She thought if he had one of her cookies he might come around, but as it was, he was working more at the theater. She thought it was just a ploy to stay away from her. Maybe he was jealous, for all she knew. That wasn't what she was hoping for.

There was still hope. She wasn't sure why she believed in it. But she waited for him as the rain started to fall. This could be a real world, after all.

And when she saw him there by the steps up to the projection room, she rushed up and kissed him as if there was no other thing to do.

"You shouldn't have done that," he said, but she knew differently. It was meant to be.

"Why are you fighting it?" Ellie asked as he walked past out the doors into the rain. She followed.
He waited.

The neon lights blinked out overhead of the theater.

"What is this?" Kale looked up as drops continued to fall down on them.

Ellie smiled, put her arm around him.

"Its really a nice night for rain," Ellie said.

They stood there for sometime, staring up into the drops until he finally kissed her, as if he'd caught on. As if he didn't have to think. As if this was a good time to be here, after all.

eperiments and such

2008-08-05T01:52:00.004-05:00

Kale found Ellie in the kitchen way after midnight working on one of her experiments. She was determained to find the right mix to create something amazing. But as it was, most of the cookies had been duds.

"I'm working."

"You work at the truckstop."

"Maybe I want to start my own business."

"Fat chance that'll happen." Kale was sour on the idea. "You're making this too hard on yourself. What are you trying to become? Can't you see, you're the only one who loves this place."

"I can see that," Ellie sighed starting back from scratch with salt this time to replace the flour. "We just have to find what is true here."

"This is stupid." He grabbed her shoulders then and turned her around. "Go to bed. Stop this nonsense."

"I can't. I don't know why, but I have to. Nothing else good will come of it." She frowned.

"What do you mean?" He squinted then with a heavy sigh.

"Look at you? You're stuck in a rut. You might as well be home taking your homemade drugs. You don't want a change. It scares you."

"You scare me," Kale then told her.

"Really?" That was the last thing she expected to hear.

"You're like living color in a black and white world. I want-"

"What?"

"I want you to be happy, and I know you can't be here much longer if thats what you want. You can't accept this. This fate, can you?" Kale said with a sad sigh.

"Its not like its exactly working out," Ellie moved back away from him and went to clean up her mess.

"It is, everyones noticed. Maybe more will try to be like you," Kale said.

"But not you," she said with her back turned away. When she looked back again, he wasn't there.

touching nerves

2008-08-03T01:45:00.003-05:00

Was it the idea that potting soil made great coffee or that actually real people food was in the canned pet foods?

"They don't want you to like it here," Ellie informed Kale the next morning at breakfast down at the truckstop.

"I suppose."

"But what if you figure a way to really enjoy yourself here?" Ellie pondered.

"Highly unlikely."

"Yeah, I guess people don't even fall in love here, either," Ellie squinted slightly as she went to fill someone's coffee cup.

"You don't know that for sure." Kale shrugged.

"I haven't seen anyone kiss. Have you?"

Kale shook his head, no.

"Maybe they go in and remove all that from you before you cross over," she imagined.

"I don't think it works that way," Kale said.

"How do you know?"

"Its just a gut feeling," Ellie could sense he wouldn't talk about it. He slapped down a dollor bill and was ready to go.

"I hit a nerve, didn't I?"

"No," Kale squinted. "You have good day."

"I will, are you?"

He tried to grin and left.

little surprises

2008-08-01T01:44:00.002-05:00

"I just don't think you're very productive," Ellie told Kale while she was making chicken soup from the canned chicken. Really, it smelled rank. She wasn't sure they should even eat this stuff.

"Well, sor....ry." He was in a huff then as he put things away. "What do you think I should do? Build an airplane and fly us out of here?"

"See, now that's thinking, you don't even want to think." She pointed a cutting knife at him.

"Watch it." He backed away then. "What's this for?" He held up the can of cat food. "We don't have a cat. In fact, I've never even seen a cat around these parts."

"Its my secret ingredient." She snapped the top off then.

"Are you serious?" He gave her a hard stare that she better not think about using that stuff.

Ellie looked at the texture of the canned meat. It smelled like tuna. It looked like chunky white tuna. Ellie smiled.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Dinner might be saved." She shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No."

"Don't tell me."

"I'm not. Go find a stupid TV show to watch. I'll tell you when its ready." Maybe she'd make tuna noodle surprise after all.

thinking it out

2008-07-29T01:42:00.001-05:00

Ellie said she liked his plan. She just wish they'd think more than a week ahead, but then again, they only had twenty bucks.

Joel grabbed ramen top noodles. They were cheap. Kale got a bags of beans, brown, black and white along with a bag of rice. There were cans of tuna and chicken too.

"What if none of this stuff taste quite right," Ellie said. She picked up a can of cat food. "We could at least try." She took a can of dog food too.

Joel made a face and walked the other way. She looked at the cans of coffee then. She didn't trust it. What would do? She looked around and noticed a bag of potting soil. How unusual? She couldn't think of a garden being grown anywhere around here.

"Do any of you grow anything?" She asked the two cashiers then. They shook their head, no.

She went back and picked up a packet of carrots and squash seeds, just to see if anything would happen if she did plant something. Two packets for a buck.

"I'll give you two more packets of seeds free if you want. Nobody seems to want seeds," the older cashier said.

"Thanks," Ellie smiled grabbing pepper and pumpkin seeds then.

"What are you gong to do?" Kale looked at her as if she'd lost it.

"Plant something," Ellie smirked.

"Yeah, right, like something would grow here?"

"You never know until you try," she shrugged.

that's how it is

2008-07-27T13:41:00.000-05:00

Ellie came home after the noon shift. It was three in the afternoon and Kale and his roommate Joel were staring at the TV set. The reception was bad and the show wasn't much better. Something in black and white. A drama of some sort.

Joel, a tall blonde guy was focused more on the show than Kale.

"You know, you never get the news here," Kale told Ellie.

"Is that really a bad thing?"

"It would be nice to know whats going on around here," Joel said.

"And there aren't any kids around here, either," Ellie noticed.

"Oh, I know, I've seen at least one, somewhere," Joel squinted in thought. "Was it at the movie theater."

"Never seen one there." Kale shook his head, no.

"Maybe it was at the Dollar General, I think they have kids clothes there. Toys too." Joel nodded.

"Maybe."

"You guys don't seem to know much," Ellie said opening the fridge to see just an old orange alone. "Do you buy groceries."

Kale looked at Joel who stared back at him.

"He forgets." They said at the same time.

Ellie closed her eyes, trying to wish she was home in her own kitchen where she could reach in the fridge and take out some yummy jello or even a tomato to eat.

"We're slowly going to starve, aren't we," Ellie said. Then they would float on somewhere else.

"We're not going to starve." Kale got up then and came and closed the fridge door. "You're letting out the cold."

"Sorry."

"What do you want me to do?" He looked cross and perhaps a tad evil to Ellie. Maybe this is how it started. She just asked too many questions, and the next thing she'd know- No. She had to stop thinking that way. She didn't think Kale was the type. He just looked confused. Tired. This was a place you just came to be grumpy the rest of this life because this was all it had to offer.

"I don't think you're going to go out and kill us a rabbit, are you?" She looked at him with a somber face.

"Have you seen a rabbit?" He stared at her intently that she might be hiding this bit of information from him.

"No."

"I haven't seen one." He seemed a bit sad about it.

"I should have brought home leftovers," Ellie then said.

"You could have brought home leftovers?"

"I guess. Maybe."

"I wouldn't want you to get into trouble." Kale shrugged then taking a look in the empty cupboard.

"What would happen if I got in trouble?"

"I don't know." He kept looking for cans of food, but there weren't any.

"Maybe I should take something so we could find out," she offered.

"No." He turned to her then. "You can't do that. I wouldn't want you in trouble. We'll think of something. Maybe we could just go back to the truck-stop or we could go to the Dollar General. We'll get more food. We can buy some food."

He checked with Joel then to find out how much he had on him. They had at least twenty bucks between them.

"This time, when we go to the Dollar General, we'll think ahead. Ahead for the whole week," Kale then said.

no mind

2008-07-25T01:40:00.000-05:00

Ellie decided to pay them no mind, afterwhile. She went on with what she was doing. She even offered catchup to a customer who was just served pancakes.

"You might like it," Ellie told him. "You might want to start using syrup on your fries."

"I don't know that sounds wrong." The fellow with the stringy hair just looked at her as if she'd lost it.

"What else is there to lose?" She shrugged, thinking how could she make this coffee better. Maybe the salt tasted like sugar. It was worth checking in to.

"Well, you look kind of busy," Kale paid for his pie and coffee.

Ellie looked around. People were using catchup on their pancakes. It might have looked rather disgusting, but they were eating the pancakes.

"Thanks to you," Ellie smile.

"What did I do?"

"You were the one who told me not to put catchup on my fries," she told him.

"What are you thinking of doing now?"

"I don't know, maybe putting chocolate in the coffee."

"I don't remember what chocolate taste like," Kale said. "I don't even know if there is any."

"Yeah, just my luck," Ellie knew there wasn't all that much luck to be had around here. "So what are you gonna do now?"

"I don't know, nothing much. What can you do? No internet. Don't know anyone to call. Might look around, see if you know who is about." He nodded.

"You know who?"

"Don't tell me you forgot him?'

"No, " Ellie knew who he meant. "Good luck on that."

"Yeah, I'll have just about as much luck as you have trying to make the coffee worth waking up too." Kale almost smiled and left.

work

2008-07-23T17:07:00.000-05:00

The next morning she went back to the truckstop before Kale even woke up and found the help wanted sign in the window.

She took it in and said she needed a job. Of course, she was given an apron right way and put to work cleaning tables.

"Now, if you do that well enough, we'll let you wait on tables," the cashier said.

That was good enough for Ellie. She got to the task and saw once she got to the kitchen all the dishes were stacking up so she started washing them.

"That's not your job," the cook said who was getting ashes from his cigarette in the pancakes he was making.

"Sorry," she said, but she couldn't just let the dishes keep piling up. "Who's job is it?"

"I guess he forgot again," The old black man shrugged as he went back to his pancakes. "He's rather forgetful."

"How long have you been working here?" Ellie asked.

"Far too long, darling." He smiled at her then, and she went back to washing dishes in the half cold water.

"Does anything really work to satisfaction around here?" Ellie wondered.

"This is good as it gets."

And to think all this time all she really wanted was a hot shower. She shook slightly then feeling grimy, but what else could she do but to continue on with the dishes and utensils.

Finally, she looked back out at the diner and saw Kale at the counter.

"They put you work, already?" He waited for her to come out of the kitchen.

"There was a help wanted sign." She shrugged.

"You should have told me you were going," he said.

"I couldn't sleep," she said. "And it was early so I decided I'd just come here."

"And you walked?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No."

She brought him a cup of coffee. Of course, she was reprimanded that it wasn't her job. She just smiled.

"I think everyone is robot here," Ellie said to Kale.

whispers

2008-07-22T17:06:00.000-05:00

She finally went to sleep, but she still flinched with images of Evan in her head. Some in black and white. Some in color. Maybe he was here. Maybe he wasn't.

But she could see the video running clearly what had happened when he'd been out. She saw his car crashing into to the Stop & Go, and him getting out, stealing food and the cash. Then pulling out and driving away. The image would rewind and start again.

And then it was as if the old woman, Olivia was right there. Whispering in to her ear. "You have to come. You have too. You want to go home, don't you."

Ellie gasped. When she awoke, no one was there. She sighed. Closed her eyes. She wanted to think of anything but Evan or even Olivia.

A chill came over, she waited to be warm again. And then she saw the trailer house vividly. The colors were real, not washed out like they were here, and she thought maybe she even knew how to get there from here.

She wanted to believe that she did, but she didn't want to go alone. Somehow, she'd have to talk Kale into it, but she didn't know if he'd believe her or even want too.

its called sleep

2008-07-21T17:05:00.000-05:00

The bottom bunk was hard as a rock. She wondered if Kale's was just the same. She wondered what was happening on the other side. Was her body at a morgue? What were they doing to her.

She felt her limbs. Her stomach. She felt as if she was here not there. Yet a strange sensation came over her. This sense of loss. This sense of not knowing who she was anymore.

Ellie tossed and turned for quite a while.

"Are you all right?" Kale looked down from the edge of his bunk.

She nodded, but he got down off the top bunk, anyhow.

"I don't believe you."

She sat up then and he sat next to her.

"How can this happen?" She was certain she was going to be sick and have to spend the night in the cramp bathroom that was no more a shower, a little sink and a commode. It looked like something out of an old school that had been shut down since the seventies.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had some answers." His attempt at consoling was hardly a pat on the back.

"Do you think you did this?" She squinted in tears then.

"Don't blame me," Kale said. "If there is anyone to blame, its..its your boyfriend. You should be mad at him. You are mad, aren't you?"

"I don't know," she shook her head, no. "I want to wake up in my own bed. That's what I want."

"It'll just take some time, the whole denial thing." Kale told her.

"What am I in denial about?" She brushed a tear away. "For all I know it was you who saved me?"

"I'm not really in the saving business," Kale admited. "It just happen. It was just suppose to happen."

"Now what? What's next?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." He gave her a hug then.

the bitter

2008-07-20T17:03:00.000-05:00

"Well, I'm not a very interesting person, really." He told her while he was getting the film on the projector. "Nothing to exciting to tell."

"Why would you want to do yourself in? What about that?" She offered.

"I don't know. Guess, I'm not much good at anything."

"But you can run a projector," Ellie said, sitting there in the small dim room watching him work.

"Yeah, its easy, but I never worked in a movie house before." He shrugged as he turned on the projector and let the movie take off.

"What did you use to do?" Ellie prodded.

"I wasn't that nice of a person. I had a dead end job. Nothing satisfying. Until I met this woman. She was a good ten years older than me," Kale said.

"How old are you?"

"twenty-four."

"So she was thirty-four?" Ellie wasn't certain why this was important to her. "Do you miss her?"

"No," he sighed. "What is the point of this?"

"Did you break up with her?" Ellie wanted to know.

"No, no she broke up with me." He was in a bit of huff. Ellie could see.

"Sorry."

"Its over," he stared back at her. "All right. I've moved on."

"By doing yourself in?" She stared back more.

"Maybe."

"She's the reason you're here, isn't she?"

Kale gave her a deep stare.

"I shouldn't be here! It was a mistake. It had to be!" Now she was frantic. Even the saliva in her mouth tasted bitter, like poison should taste, but maybe its really sweet instead. She had to figure this out.

"Lets just watch the movie," Kale looked at the screen then. The picture was upside down.

"Some night out, huh?" She kept tasting the bitter.

soup

2008-07-19T17:03:00.000-05:00

Kale heated up mushroom soup. They had lumpy soup with stale crackers.

"You'll be OK, won't you?" He needed to run over to the movie house and play the movie at 9 p.m. sharp.

"Yeah, go ahead," Ellie hadn't seen his roommate yet. She didn't want to be alone, but what else was there to do.

"You can come with me, if you want."

"Why?"

"You looked depressed." He stared at her for the longest.

"And a foreign film is suppose to help that?" She played with her soup. Finally bit into a stale cracker.

"Yes." He nodded.

"You're so depressed," Ellie closed her eyes then. She wanted to wake up and be back in her own bed with her own life.

"I guess." He shrugged.

"So what do people do here?"

"Exist." He sighed.

She went back to the soup. She slurped it until it was gone.

"There," she smiled. "At least that's over."

"So you want to go?" He gave her a little frown.

"Yeah, it'll give me all the time for you tell me everything about you." She put her bowl away in the sink. She guessed she was ready to go.

wash out

2008-07-18T17:02:00.000-05:00

As everything else, his place looked as washed out as outside, but it was down in the basement, somewhere on a nowhere street in a town that looked desolute.

"Does it ever rain here?" She wondered as she looked around at the small accommadations. There was a little fridge in a little kitchen. Everything looked decades old, maybe from the seventies.

"Not as long as I've been here," Kale shrugged. "But then I've only been here a couple of weeks."

"Do you think you've changed?" Ellie asked.

"I don't know, I don't have a picture from before and the longer I'm here the less I really remember that much from before." He got her a bottle of water out of the fridge then. It was barely cold but she took it and opened the cap.

She took a sip. Even the water wasn't that good, either. It tasted a little rusty from the tap.

"This is a horrible place isn't it," Ellie squinted. "I've fallen into the worst place ever, haven't I?"

"No, no, don't say that," Kale sighed, he put his arm around her. "You were in the worst place before you landed here. Now you're here."

Of course, all he had to offer for lodgings was the bottom bunk in his room. She guessed it was better than being on the top bunk, but really she couldn't be so sure about that.

vanished

2008-07-17T17:01:00.000-05:00

Ellie hated the idea of waiting around for anything. Sure, she'd stay with him. She guessed.

"But first we have to get back to the motel room," Ellie said once they got back to the car.

"You really don't want to do that."

"Why? Why can't I go back? Maybe that's where I need to stay."

"I'm telling you, you don't want to," Kale said.

"But I do." She was going. He wasn't going to stop her.

Of course, when she got there, the room was clean. You'd never know any of her stuff had ever been there. It hit her hard, emotionally. She just wanted her handbag. Couldn't they have at least left her the handbag? Why had she not thought of it before.

"Sorry," Kale tugged at her. "We better get out of here before you get the third degree."

"Third degree?"

"Oh yeah, if they catch you now, then it'll all be set up and you'll get assigned where to live and what to do. You don't need that right now. Not this moment." Kale informed her.

Ellie was about to burst in tears. It just didn't seem possible to have everthing vanish. She kept staring in the mirror. And all she saw was herself looking back. It was if nothing had ever happened at all now.

They got back in the car. This time Kale drove.

"You don't know where we're going so you better let me take you there," Kale said.

so

2008-07-16T20:30:00.001-05:00

"So you don't want to see him?" Kale asked while they were at General Dollar. It was definitely the general store around here.

"See who?" She squinted looking through T-shirts with bad designs and in bad taste.

"The guy," Kale gave her a dead stare, "your so-called boyfriend from the motel room. Why else would his car be here?"

"Suicidal tendencies," Ellie shrugged.

"Now you know we don't use that word because this is more like limbo. Limboland. That's a nice way to put it. And no one knows for sure what really happened. You know, maybe this is just, kind of waiting station, of some kind."

"Or just the 'other side' as you put it." She hated every T-shirt she saw. And the underwear were either for large women or little girls. "I'm going to have to live with these." She picked up some boys' briefs. They were in red plaid and green plaid. "No matter what, I'll look like Christmas."

"You know, you'll get assigned a job if you don't find one first," Kale sighed.

"You have a job?" She was picking a few other things up, but it wasn't the shampoo she liked nor the deodorant she ever bought. It was just cheap knock off stuff.

"Yeah, I run the projector at the movie house." He shrugged picking up a T-shirt about being chained for life, a picture of two stick people married.

"There's a movie house?" Ellie laughed thinking that didn't seem possible.

"Yeah, well, its movies hardly anybody has heard of and their always in a foreign language." Kale nodded putting the T-shirt back.

"What kind of job do you think I'll get?" She looked around. This might not be too bad of place to work. She guessed.

"Who knows, maybe Brother Sal could use you," Kale smirked. "You like cars."

"Possibly." She looked around at some other things while Kale grabbed some cans of soup.

"Well, you can stay with me and my roommate, if you want, " he said. "Or wait it out, eventually, whoever's in charge will find you and then assign you somewhere."

Kale paid for their stuff and they left.

blackie

2008-07-15T20:26:00.000-05:00

Kale caught up to Ellie who was looking inside the car. Hoping to find something.

"Now don't go getting your hopes up that he's around here somewhere," Kale told her.

"I don't want to see him," Ellie winced. "I want to know if it'll run. The keys are still in it, you know."

"OK."

"Well, don't you drive?"

"I don't drive. Its not a good thing to drive around here. You don't know where you're going. So why drive." He stared at her a little hard, but she wasn't giving up on this idea that they needed a car, or maybe she needed the car.

"Get in." She got in the driver's side. She'd always wanted to drive Evan's car, but he never let her. That was his baby.

There was a little damage on the outside front bumper. Hopefully, the engine wasn't messed up.

"Maybe he was trying to do himself in," Kale reminded her.

"Highly, unlikely."

She tried to start the car, but it would barely make noise.

"Come on, please, Blackie, do something," Ellie bagged.

"He named his car?" Kale chuckled.

"No, I did," Ellie said staring back a Kale. "I always took care of this car. I changed the oil. I washed it. We were friends."

"Yeah, evidently." Kale rolled his eyes at that.

She tried again.

"Damn." She hit the stirring wheel with her hand out of spite. Finally, she got out and looked under the hood. Then she looked under the front seat for a wrench, and went back to work.

"Try it," Ellie yelled.

"All right."

"Don't flood it."

Carefully, he turned the key and it started.

"Yes!" Finally something was going her way, even if this was a place where everything was just a little off.

She got back in and turned the vehicle toward the road ready to race.

"There's no need to hurry," Kale said nervously as he hung on to the seat.

"Where were we going?"

"Back the other direction, actually." Kale watched the road as she made a quick donut and went in the opposite direction.

"This is so fun!" She sighed as she felt the force of the speed under her her.

jiggle and a burger

2008-07-13T20:24:00.000-05:00

Brother Sal was kind of short, but he had that hoodlum look down, with his sad black gypsy eyes and his even lip, only there was silver duct tape tight around his neck. Ellie really didn't want to know what that was about.

"I can't tell you how many times I've seen this." He worked on the handcuffs with a bobby pin and a needle. "Don't get the connection exactly, but there has to be something said for handcuffs." He jiggled a little more and the handcuffs came undone. He tossed them in the corner where the pile of handcuffs were.

Ellie took a deep breath, but she wasn't sure it was safe to breathe because Brother Sal lit a cigarette and smoke bellowed out around his neck.

"Thanks, " she backed away. She was ready to leave, but the cuts on her wrist were still there and it hurt a bit.

"Anytime, but come back to see me when you're not handcuffed," he smiled as he puffed on the cigarette.

"Why do they call him Brother Sal?" Ellie asked as they walked away from the gas station and toward the truck stop that Ellie thought she'd been too, before.

"He's special around here," Kale nodded as they walked. "Just about cut his head off with a beer bottle. "

"What about you? Where are your scars?"

"I'm not a wrist cutter." He shrugged.

"You think they'll go away," she looked at the handcuff marks.

"Probably not, if you keep staring at them." Kale found them a booth right away. The place was practically empty.

"Don't expect too much," he told her once they sat down across from each other. "The food here isn't what it used to be."

"What does that mean?"

"Down right nasty, sometimes." He pulled a face then with a grimace.

"Thanks." Her smile was small. She almost wanted to cry.

"Hey, don't knock it til you try it." He grinned.

Again she ordered the burgers and fries. She remembered how she'd savored that mustard burger. The fries had been crunchy and hot, smothered in ketchup.

Now the food looked like it had been under the heat lamp all day.

She snarled her nose up at the food. She hesitated to try the greasy fries. Ellie squirted ketchup all over them.

"Hey, watch it, ketchup has lost it's tomato. It might as well by syrup your putting on those," Kale told her.

The burger looked as if it had been microwaved. The bun was too soft. The fixings seeped through it. But she took a bite anyway because she was starving.

"It's not so bad, " she lied.

"Lets see you eat the whole thing," Kale shrugged.

Ellie took a deep breath and ignored her taste buds. She went for it, hoping she could keep it down.

into the sun

2008-07-12T20:23:00.000-05:00

"What you need, is to get out of here," Kale opened the motel room door and the harsh sun basked in Ellie's face. "We'll see somebody about those handcuffs. Get something to eat. You'll almost be new."

She still felt her heart racing. The handcuffs were cutting into her wrists. She felt so blind now as she looked out at the blazing sun. There was hardly a tree in sight. Just a dusty road.

He put on some shades and gave her his extra pair. "You might need these."

Her eyes were still burning as they stepped outside.

"I'll take you to Brother Sal, he can get you out of any fix, I think."

"I need some underwear," Ellie said. She was barefoot too.

"Don't you know, you don't need any here," he grinned.

"What?" She hated dreams where she had no underwear. "I want underwear."

"Just kidding," Kale said. "We'll get you some, soon as we get those handcuffs taken care of and you get some food in you."

They walked a ways toward a gas station in the distance. There wasn't a car in sight. Hardly a soul around. It was making Ellie nervous. She kept looking back at the motel. Maybe she needed to stay there.

"Don't think about it," Kale grabbed her arm.

"But you thought about it, you went back," Ellie said.

"Yeah, and look what it got me?" he nodded. "You."

staring back

2008-07-11T20:22:00.000-05:00

"So what else did you see him doing?" She asked after he'd broken the head board. Still she wasn't out of the handcuffs.

"What was he doing to you?" Kale squinted. "I'm not sure you want to know."

"What?" She winced. "What happened?"

"Um, he was going at it pretty hard," Kale said. Ellie looked at him as if she didn't understand.

"The fucking. I thought it was, kind of sick, myself. I kind of like them alive, if you know what I mean." Kale gave her an impish smile.

"What do you mean? I'm not alive?" She felt her heart thumping through her veins. Ellie thought her veins might even pop out of her skin as she looked down at the blue veins in her wrist and on top of her hands.

Ellie got up as close to the mirror as she could just to look and see if she could see herself breathing.

"It does you no good to stare," Kale pulled her away. "Just keep telling yourself you're on the other side. That's all there is to it." He gave her a pat on the back as she started to choke on her breath, wondering if she was actually breathing. She still felt dizzy. She thought she might crash through the mirror.

He grabbed her shoulders.

the other side

2008-07-10T20:21:00.000-05:00

"What is this?" Ellie winced as she looked back at the mirror. She was fighting with the handcuffs, but obviously, the girl in the reflection was still out cold.

"You know, nobody ever sees me," he informed her. "You must have known this was bound to happen."

"I didn't!" She wasn't sure why she was explaining herself. "What is this place?"

"The other side." His voice was calm. It was as if he'd accepted his fate and she soon would too.

"He drugged me, didn't he?" She wanted to know. There had to be an explanation. Had to be.

"It looks that way, but I didn't know when he actually did it, must have been in the drink." He was looking around the room to see if there was a key to the handcuffs. At least, she hoped.

"See, I'm still on drugs. Its just a dream. Its a dream, isn't it?" She struggled more with the handcuffs that were wrapped around the headboard. Her arms were above her head.

"Its starts out that way," he said. "I guess."

"You guess?"

"There isn't exactly a book of some kind to explain it to you, you know, like the book of Mormon over there." He pointed to the bible by the night stand. He kept searching.

"Who are you? How did you get here?" She wondered if she was breathing on the other side of the mirror? Ellie couldn't tell.

"Kale, thats my name." he was digging through the dresser drawer. He tossed out condoms, but nothing like a key. "Once I stayed in that very room." He pointed into the mirror. "Its like a portal, perhaps. I guess. I don't know. I was just trying to do myself in and the next thing I know, I'm here." He dug through the night stand then. There were pills there, but no key.

"Sorry, we might have to do this the old fashioned way," Kale said.

"Old fashioned way?" Ellie squinted.

"I think your boyfriend kept the key. And I'm pretty sure he's not coming back." Kale started pulling at the headboard then. Ellie felt her wrist give in to the metal. Perhaps she was bleeding. She hoped he could break it.

the other side of the mirror

2008-07-09T20:20:00.000-05:00

Ellie was dreaming about a life she used to have. Maybe it wasn't to blog about, but it was normal enough even if it were in a trailer park when she was younger before she moved in with her Dad and his basement. She knew her cat missed her. So did the old lady next door, from her mother's trailer, who kept trying to figure out her love life.

"You haven't found Mr. Right yet," she remembered the old lady making her smile. Some how, she never felt that she actually deserved to be there, but now it felt like heaven to her and she remembered asking. "How will I know? Will his last name actually be 'Right'?" This always amused them both, and they'd drink hot tea together, and there would be little cucumber sandwiches to eat.

Where was the old woman now when she needed her? Especially, in this deep sleep that sank her into a new depth of reality.

Ellie would find herself pushing back into reality, almost. She listened. Evan was on his cell. He was talking. Nonstop. Ellie would work to almost conscious to find the words to ask, "What are you doing?" but the words would never surfaced. She'd fall back under again, far far away. Back to the old woman's livingroom where she'd be sitting there staring at the old woman's face. Each wrinkle was more vivid as she stared at her.

"Where should I look for him?" Ellie wanted to know.

"In the least likely place, but it will be likely to happen." The old woman's red lips would turn pink, then black and back to red. Ellie concentrated on the words, but all she could sense were the lips moving.

She felt numbness set in and the chill that began was now what warmed her. Again she'd feel herself come back to Evan. His words.

"It's just a little sacrifice! Are you kidding me? I won't be here when you get here!" She heard him yell in the distance.

Ellie fought to stay near the surface of reality and not to fall back to the deep dream even if she loved the old trailer house with the cheap chic deco crap. It could be her own. The old woman assured her it could be her very own home.

"What was your name again?" She kept asking the old woman. Yet, the old woman kept making her guess, by continuing to tell her, "That's not my name."

And then it came to her just as she was about to awake. Olivia. Olivia was the old woman's name. How could she have forgotten?

When she awoke, a pain pulled through her as it tightened her arms, she was handcuffed to the bed, and she was on the other side of the mirror because he was there with her, and Evan wasn't.

in the mirror

2008-07-07T20:18:00.000-05:00

When Ellie awoke, she was alone. It was twilight in the room, practically. But she knew it was daylight out. The curtains were shut tight. Evan didn't want any old truckers sneaking a peek.

She supposed he might have gone out to get breakfast. She hoped. She was starving. Eggs and hash browns. Just the thought made her stomach growl.

She fumbled toward the floor to pull her dress back on. At least something. Normally she wasn't this naked in the morning when she got up. Then she automatically went to use the bathroom and brush her teeth.

She stared at her teeth for a moment in the bathroom mirror. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw something move. A chill instantly came over her, she turned around to look out at the main room. Quickly she turned on the lamp and looked around.

Perhaps it was a dog or a cat that got in. Even worse, what if it were a mouse. That made her clinch her teeth tight as she tiptoed around. She didn't see a thing. Everything looked normal. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Ellie went back to rinse her teeth. Again, she looked up at the bathroom mirror. She was sure she saw something then. In the mirror. She squinted hard to make it out. Was that a foot by the bed near the TV?

Ellie turned back. There was no foot. She looked all around the bed for a body, even a foot. Nada.

She smiled. Maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her. Maybe she was just too tired to know what was going on. Ellie sighed and sat back on the bed, turned on the TV. She needed cable. Otherwise nothing was normal.

Ellie plopped herself in the middle of the bed and clicked through the channels.

Yes, there had been a tornado. They drove through a tornado. "God, he's such an idiot," she said aloud. "Why did I get stuck with him?"

She closed her eyes and thought about this. God, he was so damn adorable. She knew the first time she laid eyes on him that she wanted a little boy just like him. But he hated kids. Evan made it sound like the worst thing in the world was to populate the planet. But then he didn't want her to be on the pill, either.

"That's just too easy," he told her after they'd been together the first time, making her feel like a slut if she wanted to take care of herself. "You might end up with cervical cancer, or something. You can still get STDs." They'd argued about this so much she was certain she never wanted to have sex with him again, but somehow that wasn't in the cards. He was the only one she wanted to be with, but he never quite believed her.

She felt sad thinking about it. He couldn't be her soul-mate. He just couldn't be. Ellie looked up in the mirror of the dresser and was certain someone was there, but in the edge of the mirror. She couldn't quite see him. There was someone, but it was a little blurry.

He wasn't looking at her. Maybe if she got his attention, he'd see her. She waved. Nothing. She was being ignored, completely. This was beginning to be a bad dream. Maybe if she pinched herself she'd wake up.

cheap thrills

2008-07-06T20:17:00.000-05:00

It was a cheap motel room, but it was clean. They took a hot shower together. Ellie soon forgot the weather, his attitude, even her own. Funny, how they could really enjoy each other's company by not saying anything at all nor really going all the way. Especially, when he didn't have a condom.

"How could you forget something like that?" She had to dig in her handbag for a condom. He was forgetful that way. Ellie pulled out a whole string of them.

"Do you know how many times we can go through condoms in a night?" She didn't really want to argue about it since this was finally the best moment she'd had this trip. And they were in a comfortable bed.

"Because, the first time, is never that great," she told him. "The first time is for you and the second time is for me, but the third time is for us." She counted packs of condoms, broke the wrappers in threes. "See, we're good to go for the next three weeks."

"Fuck, thats a lot of condoms," Evan said. "Do you have room for anything else in that bag?"

She rattled a few over the counter sleeping pills in a bottle and some pamprin, just in case. Then there was the makeup bag, some sweet treats, she'd neglected to eat that were pretty much melted, but she tried the half eaten Hershey bar, anyway. "Want some?"

"No thanks."

She ate while he snapped on the condom. After that, a fast grind, a slow one and even a moment that was completely still of love making that could possibly be what Oprah was going on about with Sting( that time when she had some doctor from India on her show, and Ellie's Mom would never tell her the truth about it), it was time for sleep.

at the truck stop

2008-07-05T04:16:00.000-05:00

"This is making no sense," she finally told him once they stopped at the truck-stop for burgers. Ellie hadn't eaten all day, and it was his fault. "We don't stop for anything. And we're running on E as it is? What is going on?"

"Nothing." Evan squinted. He had one arm around her, and she knew that was suppose to be a comfort, but it wasn't.

"How long have we been together, now?" He looked at her and gave her that little boy look he always did that meant he knew she loved him. "You gotta trust me, on this." He touched her cheek, but she wasn't buying it. She turned and sipped on her Dr. Pepper hoping it would settle her stomach.

"Why did we have to leave town at two in the morning?" She kept hugging herself.

"Cause, its a good time to go. Driving at night. We needed an early start."

"Why was that?"

"You didn't seem to mind at the time?"

She rolled her eyes. She was at his place after all, and they'd been listening to every song from the Young Blood Brass band on his Ipod. And after while it had turned in to something vaguely like romance, but possibly more like sex. And after the fun, well, she was ready to go just about anywhere with him.

"I didn't know you'd just keep driving." She frowned. "I want to go home."

"We can't. Not right now. It's not a good idea." He nursed his Mountain dew.

"I'm not a fucking storm chaser." She grabbed a fry then, dabbed it in the ketchup and ate it.

"I want to go to California," Evan said. "I have a cousin out there, we could stay with him. Get jobs."

"But I don't know." She ate another fry.

"Christ, what are we gonna do in Council Bluffs, huh? We just graduated high school, and you know you don't want to go to that dumb college just to be on the radio. That's- that's like high school all over again."

"At least, I had a plan," Ellie heaved. "What about all your plans to go to that graphic artist school in Kansas City?"

"You know, my folks didn't want to think about that when they split up."

"Right." She was good at hitting it on a sour note. She ate her burger then. He ate his. It was quiet then. Ellie hoped they got a room soon.

in the eye

2008-07-04T03:15:00.000-05:00

"I don't think I like this," Ellie took a deep breath. She noticed people were starting to pull over to the side of the road. Some were getting out of their cars, but Evan kept driving into the storm.

"What are you doing!" She was frantic now. The wind was coming, but he kept going. The car began to shake from side to side, but he didn't stop for nothing. He just kept going. The rain beat against the windshield. Ellie couldn't see a thing.

She gripped the seat, the door. It was if they were going through something nature created, and it was so damn powerful with a minde of its own. Ellie was afraid it was electrical. Even her face stung with the pressure of the wind and the rain.

They drove by a huge eighteen wheeler that had been rolled on its belly in the ditch.

Ellie closed her eyes, thinking they'd be next, but Evan kept driving as if he had somewhere to be.

Finally, they were out of the storm. Ellie caught her breath. "Can we please stop now? Please?" She begged.

"Soon. Soon we'll stop somewhere for the night." But it was still daylight, and he was going to keep driving.

out there somewhere

2008-07-03T20:01:00.000-05:00

The cloud in the west was really building up. It looked a sick green. They were still on the interstate, and they'd rolled the windows down to save on the gas, but it was humid and Ellie's cotton sundress was starting to stick to her.

"Do you think we should stop some times soon?" Ellie winced with her blond hair whipping in the wind. She looked over at Evan who had his eyes on the road.

They'd turned off the radio sometime ago. Ellie reached over turn it back on.

"Don't." Evan clicked off the radio.

"But why, the weather could be getting bad," Ellie said. "What if we're driving into a tornado."

"We won't."

She remained even lipped. She wanted to believe him, but she couldn't. Maybe it didn't matter anymore.

For the first time it was beginning to hit her that maybe she wasn't the smartest tool in the shed.

This was suppose to be fun. He said it would be fun.

"Have we even had any fun yet?" She was cross. Maybe it wouldn't hurt for him to see her true colors now. She wasn't exactly a Barbie doll.

"El, don't start it," he gave her a look. "I'm tired. You're tired. When it gets dark we'll find us a room. We'll soak in the pool." He kept driving.

"What if I need to pee." Actually, she didn't have too. She just didn't want to go any farther into that storm than they had too. "I think we should find a spot right now. You know, get something to eat. Call my sister."

"You said you weren't going to do that."

"All right. I won't. I won't call my sister," she said it, but didn't mean it. He was the one with her cell phone.

By anyone else, it would look like she'd been kidnapped. Maybe abducted. A cold wave a wind came over her then and she felt a chill.

She hugged herself then. She wanted to be home in her own basement, but she told him she loved him. And she'd do whatever he asked. Yet here she was waiting for a tornado to hit.

kale

2008-07-03T19:50:00.000-05:00

He's stayed in the same motel room where Evan and Ellie have stayed. He might still be there.

evan

2008-07-03T19:49:00.000-05:00

Honestly, he'd never meant it to turn out this way.

Ellie really did mean everything to him. And then it happened. She saw something she shouldn't have seen. If they hang around, it doesn't look good. Its going to be bad from here on out.

He hasn't asked her about it. He thinks the less she knows the better. But how long can they keep running. Money doesn't grow on trees, and gasoline isn't free.

ellie

2008-07-03T19:46:00.000-05:00

Ellie Winston isn't so sure what she's doing with her boyfriend anymore. She's not even sure Evan is even her boyfriend.

Maybe she never knew him at all.

But she left town with him. She thought it was a good idea at time. There was nothing else keeping her home. There on the cross country trip she never knew they'd take.

But now there somewhere in Kansas. And Ellie is beginning to see a very different side of Evan.

kate.ellie

slipping in and out

colder than ice

there was a time

what to say

and so

a daze of confusion

a happy place

moment to moment

all alone

I could live you in another world

on the road

mess'n all around

thinking it over

Simon n' Josh: a thought

then

wish you had

who's on second

first memory

back to the mirror

just a chill

the girl I've been thinking of

anywhere but here

what if

back tracking

the deep freeze

around here

neither here nor there

going back

lately

avalanche

blue moonlight

the burdens you carry

no nada nothing

traveling light

how'd he know

another night in another motel

what if

An oasis

Wait

nothing like you and me

open your eyes

love don't live here anymore

getting the picture

long hawl

rain

eperiments and such

touching nerves

little surprises

thinking it out

that's how it is

no mind

work

whispers

its called sleep

the bitter

soup

wash out

vanished

so

blackie

more questions

jiggle and a burger

into the sun

staring back

the other side

the other side of the mirror

more questions

in the mirror

cheap thrills

at the truck stop

in the eye

out there somewhere

kale

evan

ellie